Auf Wiedersehen Sweetheart
by graciefields
Summary: All soldiers write letters at war, Bucky's just lucky he found a girl who'll write back.
1. Chapter 1 - A Meeting

Auf Wiederseh'n Sweetheart

Bucky swirled the whiskey in his glass a few times before taking a slow sip, smiling humourlessly to himself. Steve had left, the girls had left, and now he was in some bar by _himself _the night before he had to…

He'd decided he wasn't going to think about it. He was going to listen to the broad singing on stage, then go home and get some sleep. He tried to remember why the girls had left, but he couldn't quite put a finger on it. He wasn't too drunk, and he wasn't getting too friendly… oh yeah. He'd been ignoring them and staring into the distance like a psychopath.

Could they blame him? They knew where he was going. Everyone knew where he was going, he was wearing his fucking uniform for God's sake. He'd never been as popular as he was as soon as he put on that stupid jacket. He took it off absent-mindedly, still half-listening to the girl on stage. She was singing "Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree" which is a song Bucky could get behind, so he tried to pay more attention. He sat his jacket next to him and leaned forward on the table, watching her intently. She bumped her hips along to the beat and Bucky realised before she worked in this place she was probably a Hopper. She had hair so dark it was nearly black, sitting around her shoulders in curls so perfect Bucky had a hard time figuring out how she did it. She had a lilac dress on, pinching her at the waist and flaring out, with heels that looked way too high to be comfortable. All in all, she looked like an expensive dame.

"Probably rationed," Bucky murmured to himself, going to take another drink. Until he realised the drink had ran out. So he put the glass down and decided to sober up, sitting up straight and leaning onto his elbows.

The song ended, everyone clapped, the boys catcalled, she called them out, then left the stage. The lights on the stage went out and left the bar looking even more dim than it did before. Bucky decided the girl was selfish, leaving him alone with his thoughts like that.

"You must think you're a Sheik with that uniform," A voice announced from behind him. He jumped and turned around to stare at the Expensive Looking Dame. She was leaning a hand on her hip and the other extended up, holding a tray of drinks on it. She placed it on the table and pointed to the chair. "You want company?" She asked, sounding too polite to match her cheeky face. He nodded, unable to speak. She pulled the chair directly to his left out and sat down, crossing her legs towards him.

"Sure, but I don't think I'll be great conversation ma'am,"

"You're deploying soon, I get it," She nodded knowingly, taking two drinks off the tray, passing one to him and taking a long sip of hers.

"Do I look that fresh?"

"Every guy I meet is deploying soon. If there wasn't a war on, I'd think it was just me," She widened her eyes sarcastically, before her face relaxed into a grin.

"You're a pretty Fifth Avenue broad, if you don't mind me saying. Why you wasting your time talking to a bunch of guys who aren't coming back?" He was looking at his glass while he spoke, but after she didn't reply he looked up to her raising an eyebrow at him.

"Now there's a kind of line I haven't heard before,"

"What?"

"An honest one," She shrugged. "Every girl in New York is waiting for a boy to come back to her. It's the newest trend on Fifth Avenue," She smiled smugly at him. "And I'm from Brooklyn, actually,"

"Me too," He raised his glass at her and smiled cockily at her. "So you're not rationed then?"

"_Rationed_," She drawled out, rolling her eyes. "Definitely not. Unfortunately with a job like mine you don't meet a lot of men who stick around till the morning,"

"What, you're a call girl?" Bucky asked, ironically. She responded by kicking him in the shin. Hard.

"Excuse you, asshole. Have fun drinking by yourself, Sarge,"

She got up, sliding the chair out from under her. She finished the last of her drink and slammed the glass back down on the table, before about turning and walking away. Bucky scrambled to get up and ran after her, catching up with her just as she opened a door, causing them both to fall through it. He gripped her tight and took the brunt of the fall, immediately making sure she was okay as soon as they landed.

"What is your problem?" She asked, rolling off of him to get up quickly.

"Are you okay? I'm so sorry," Bucky got up too, taking her arms and looking her over.

"I'm swell," She said skeptically. "You tackled me," She started to brush off her dress, making sure she wasn't dirty.

"I tried to _catch_ you,"

"I'm not a baseball, you don't have to catch me,"

"I just… I'm having a really shitty night and I'm about to have a really shitty life and I'd really like if I could just talk to you a little more and forget about everything," The words all fell out of his mouth at rapid speed. She stood silently for a while, before nodding.

"I'm Tori. Vitoria Valastro," She held out her hand and he shook it politely.

"Bucky,"

"What's your _real _name?" She asked, keeping a hold of his hand.

"James. James Barnes,"

"Okay, James. Come with me," She kept his hand in hers and pulled him further into the room, clicking a light as she walked. "This is where they store the bottles. At least it's quieter than out there," She eventually let him go and sat on a fold away chair next to a bunch of crates. He pulled his chair closer to hers and sat down too.

"How long have you been a singer?"  
"Since I realised I was super bad at math," She smiled at him. "How long have you been in the army?"

"More than a few hours," He tried to smile back, and her eyes turned slightly sad.

"You got called up?"

"Believe me, I wouldn't be going by choice if I had one,"  
"I don't blame you. The front line got my Dad, bombing got my Mom," She shrugged. "I'd really like the war to not get anyone else,"

"I'm sorry," Bucky bowed his head, suddenly realising he sounded like the biggest coward in the whole of New York. "I'm not scared, it's just-"

"You don't need to justify yourself to me, my star," She leaned back in her chair and tilted her head. "It's your life, you shouldn't have to gamble it,"

"It does get me a lot of girls," Bucky said, grinning at her, deciding that changing the subject would be the best plan of action.

"Wow. Modest and handsome, would ya look at that?" She shook her head at him.

"And you're just a little doll, huh?" He added, leaning forward towards her.

"I bet you'll get hundreds of letters when you go. Lots of pictures too," She raised an eyebrow at him and he shrugged in response.

"I'll only keep them if they're from you," He smirked at her and she had to try really hard to not cave. He was pretty seductive when he was teasing her.

"Oh no, I'd be too afraid you'd share them,"

"I don't think I could stand sharing you, doll," He finally said, which effectively silenced her. She laughed and looked away from him, shaking her curls out.

"When do you deploy?" She asked, trying to change the subject.

"A few hours,"

"Oh, right, oka- did you say hours?" Her hands froze in mid air as her head snapped to look at him. "And you're _here _with _me?"_

"Believe it or not, ma'am, I'm having a pretty good time with you. Kicks to the shin, considered,"

"Should you maybe get some sleep?"

"No," He thought for a second. "Would you want to spend my last ever moments in New York with me? Preferably watching the sunrise, but I'm not too picky,"

"You've no one else you'd rather be with?" She asked quietly. He shook his head. "Then I'm all yours, Sarge,"

They decided to walk until the sunrise. Just walk, and talk. He put his jacket around her shoulders, along with his arm, and she let him. She let him hug her as tight as he wanted to, and he was the only person she allowed to make her feel safe again. They spoke about their childhoods, their families, their friends, what they wanted from life and from a partner, and what they thought life was about. They walked for a couple of hours, not getting tired at all and being blissfully unaware of time passing, until it started to get light. They headed to the pier finally and settled on a bench together, to watch the sun rise over New York.

"So who's coming to see you off?"

"I think Steve will come… but I, uh… I don't know who else,"

"I'll come, if you want," Tori suggested quietly, not looking at him incase he laughed at her. The arm around her shoulders squeezed tightly.

"I'd like that, Tor. I mean, I'd be the most popular guy on the boat cause I'd have the best looking dame,"  
"Who you met the night before?"

"Who I spent the whole night with,"

"However you want to spin it,"

"Will you write me?" He asked, tilting her head up with his finger. She nodded and settled her head into his hand.

"Of course. Will you write back?"  
"Every day," He murmured into her hair, before kissing her temple lightly. Her eyes suddenly stung with tears and she looked at him, astonished.

"I'm actually crying. I barely know you and I'm crying,"

"Want to know something even crazier?" He asked and she nodded, wiping her tears away carefully. "You're who I'll fight for. You're who I'll come back for,"  
"You better come back," She told him, leaning back into his shoulder and looking out at the water.

"You're not getting rid of me this easy, I'm not like your other boyfriends you can send off to war and never see again," He pinched her side lightly and she laughed, swatting his hand gently.

"I would never want you to be," She shuffled slightly and draped her legs over his knees, relaxing into his chest. "Why did you stay to watch me sing after your date left?" She asked suddenly, making his eyes widen.

"You were watching me?"

"Most handsome guy in the bar, I was wondering what was so wrong with you," She grinned, breathing out a small laugh.

"Unfortunately my best friend is a little awful at the whole double date thing… so I was left with both girls,"

"I feel like that's not why they left,"

"Yeah, I was ignoring them," He shrugged. "You were singing and distracting me, what was I supposed to do?" He looked down at her and smiled.

"Would I sound really stupid if I said I didn't want you to go?" She asked quietly, suddenly seeming very shy clinging against his chest. He wrapped his arms around her and squeezed tight. "It's not fair. I'm serious. The one guy in New York I can actually stand and you need to-"

"Go kill people," He said, deadpan.

"Did you tell Steve you don't want to go?"

"Are you kidding? The kid worships soldiers, if I told him I didn't want to go he'd never look at me the same way again. It's all he's ever wanted," James shrugged and hugged into Tori, resting his head against hers. "And all I've ever wanted is a girl like you. A little doll,"

"You're really affectionate when you're about to be drafted,"

"You're really mouthy when I'm trying to be affectionate,"

"I'm really mouthy all the time, my star,"

"I'll be back soon to find out," He smirked down at her and she hit his chest lightly.

"You better be, cause I swear if you don't-" She was interrupted by him tilting her chin up to kiss her lightly. A lovely, long, lingering kiss that wasn't too needy or grabby, just loving.

"I promise,"

An hour and a half later they walked hand in hand to the dock where they'd need to say goodbye. As soon as it was in sight, Tori had fell quiet and squeezed his hand tighter. James met a few guys he'd seen at enlistment and greeted them with smiles as big as he could manage. He saw the sign in table and turned to Tori.

"Two seconds, wait right here," He told her and she nodded, not looking him in the eye. He walked to the table with more confidence than he actually felt and signed in for deployment as quickly as he could. When he turned back around he saw a flock of people around Tori. As he pushed through the crowd of his soon-to-be brothers-in-arms, he heard the bombardment of questions.

"Miss Valastro, could you sign this for me?" One shouted.

"Oh Vitoria, will you send me a signed picture?" Another added.

When James finally got to her she let out a happy sigh and pulled him next to her.

"Sorry boys, the only guy getting pictures is this one," She pulled his arm around her neck and the crowd took a deep inhale.

"Bucky rationed Tori Valastro?!" A soldier shouted from the back, and the crowd waited eagerly for a response.

"Well?" James asked, grinning down at her. She shook her head happily and nodded.

"He sure did,"

The crowd soon dispersed and left them alone. She still looked sad and he still looked scared, so they just held each other tight and waited to see if Steve would turn up.

"He's maybe just caught in traffic, my star," Tori said as hopefully she could. "You know what it's like on deployment day,"

"Ah, the kid's not coming. Probably afraid he'll cry,

"I'm afraid I'll cry,

"Don't you dare, doll," He took her head in his hands and tilted it back a little, just as the docking siren went off. "That's my cue," He muttered to her, trying to smile. Tears flooded her eyes and she shook her head out of his hands.

"How dare you only meet me the day before you need to leave," Her voice broke as she said it, forcing the tears to roll down her cheeks.

"Until I met you I was a pretty terrible guy, I'm sorry," He joked, pulling her towards him. "I told you, I'm coming back for you. None of these guys are getting you at the welcome parade, that's for sure," He reached behind his neck and unclasped the gold necklace he'd had since forever. He straightened it out and secured it around her neck, fidgeting with it until it sat perfectly around her neck.

"I can't-" She put her hand to it.

"I want you to know I'm serious, Tor. You're the only girl I'd come back for. You're who I'm fighting for," He gave her another loving kiss, feeling her tears against his face. When he pulled away he rested his forehead against hers, just before a huge flash went off next to them. They both turned to see a soldier with a camera staring at them.

"Sorry, couldn't resist. I'll give you a copy," He told James, before continuing his walk to the boat.

"Oh God, we'll be on the new Sign Up posters," Tori joked, before patting her face gently to dry it.

"I'm glad I met you tonight," James told her and she nodded.

"Likewise, Sarge," She backed away from him slightly, before saluting him. "Auf Wiedersehen, sweetheart,"

"What?" He smirked at her, narrowing his eyes in confusion.

"Oh, my star, you'll really need to learn German," She pulled him forward and kissed him one last time, before nodding towards the boat. "Go win for me," She muttered, letting him go. He saluted her back, then turned to walk away. As soon as she was sure he couldn't see her, she knelt down and sobbed into her hands. And as soon as he thought she couldn't see him, he did the exact same thing.


	2. Chapter 2

Dear Tori,

I'm sorry I've not been able to write before, training lasted too long and it was horrible. I've written four versions of this letter (I might have to write more) because I can't get it right. So here goes. Again.

By the way, would you believe that France actually has worse weather than New York? I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I don't think I'm going to get a good tan out here.

I'm the most popular guy in the barack's because I've got your pictures, but don't worry toots, they're mine all mine. A couple of the boys want to know if you've any sisters, but I wouldn't want any of my future sister-in-laws to go steady with these losers.

I'm still scared, which you're probably not surprised to hear. (Or read. Like I said, I don't know how to write a letter.) Training was horrible and I don't want to have to kill people. I don't want people to have to kill me. I was thinking, I don't even know these guys. We could like the same songs, we could root for the same team, but we're shooting at each other because…

I don't know.

Freedom?

I just wish that I'd told you everything I want to tell you when I had you in person. Just in case.

You know that Steve I kept talking about? He didn't show up on deployment day because the dumb kid went and got himself enlisted. He wrote me saying he was sorry he couldn't see me off, but that he actually got a 1a and was part of some super secret task force I couldn't know about yet. And he said he'd see me soon. So at least I'll have him over here, where I can protect him myself. The little dork's probably got himself involved in some circus program.

I miss you. Every single day. And if this is my only letter, hopefully I got it write. Or is it right. It's right. Damn it.

I love you, doll,

James

(I got you a copy of the picture that guy took of us. We're a pretty handsome couple.)

* * *

My dearest, darlingest, most bravest Sergeant James "Bucky" Barnes,

(That's how these letters are supposed to start, I'm sure.)

You sent your letter to my **n****ext door neighbour** and the poor thing thought it was for her. Thankfully you never wrote anything too horrific, but now she's convinced I have a secret husband I'm concealing from her. Regardless, I live at _275a_ Bakersfield. Not 275b. You're lucky I love you, honestly.

I will happily send you as many pictures as you'd like. Not because I think I'm anything special, but because when you get home you'll really need to remember how I look. There will be so many elated girls there, I don't want to get lost in the sea of women throwing themselves at you. I have no sisters for your charming friends, unfortunately, but my two brothers are rather strapping and are also serving just now. If you bump into them, don't tell them I kissed you on the first date or you won't make it back at all.

It's scary here too, my love. The houses across from me got hit bad last week. They blew the windows in on my street, but I was working so I'm fine. Luckily. I can't imagine what you're feeling over there, but you're so brave. Let's not try to understand why the world is how it is, let's just try to learn how to survive it.

Steve's an idiot, obviously. But the bravest, most incredible idiot I've never met. I hope you do get to see him soon, because it's always nice having a familiar face when you're somewhere you don't want to be. He sounds amazing, and you never know, the training could've done him the world of good. I've been told America trains the best soldiers in the world, you might barely recognize him!

I miss you too. I've had the table you were sitting at that night taken away, because looking at it empty kept making me cry on stage. I still sing _Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree_, which still applies to you wholeheartedly, by the way. I wear your necklace every single day because now that I'm _rationed_ I feel I should have something to symbolize it. So thank you for forcing it upon me. I wish I had met you earlier so I could tell you everything I've ever wanted to tell anyone, too. But you'll be home sooner than we know it and we can talk ourselves out.

We're really bad at letters. But thankfully we'll write a few more before you come home, so we should get good at it. And you _will _come home. Of course you will.

I love you even more, my star,

Tori

(We certainly are a beautiful couple. That's my favourite picture in the entire world. Sorry that there's tear tracks on this letter, but you're incredibly handsome and I couldn't contain myself. I've sent you more pictures to make up for it, but make sure you open them on your own...)


	3. Chapter 3

Dear Tori,

If I'd known you were so funny I'd have stuck around for longer, doll. About your brothers, I'm officially avoiding anyone who's name sounds vaguely Italian. You are Italian, right? We probably should've covered that.

The thought of you being in danger makes me so angry. I'm out here protecting my own ass when I should be over there protecting you. Keep safe in any way you can, even if it means boarding your windows up and bunkering down.

It feels like we're not getting anywhere here. I'm not allowed to go into too much detail because these letters get read before they get sent, but know that if it weren't for thoughts of you I'd be miserable. I've come to find that we're all scared. Every single guy I'm with is absolutely terrified. Some of the guys here are 12 years old, Tor. It makes me sick that these kids are faking their ages to enlist in something they shouldn't be anywhere near. Please, for me, stand outside the enlistment offices and lead the kids away.

Speaking of these letters getting read... my senior officers think you're really beautiful. Which is true, of course. But I wish they hadn't seen you really beautiful like in those pictures. Don't stop sending them, but know that you're making a lot of fine men very happy.

I've been writing Steve sometimes, apparently it's some secret training program to make soldiers better, faster… It doesn't sound right to me, Tor. I don't know what to do. This is exactly why I was afraid of leaving him. He never backs down, never says no. And he won't say no, even if what they're planning to do is awful. He's a brave little punk and he's not stupid, but I wish I didn't have this feeling that said something bad was going to happen.

They're planning something big soon. We don't know what, we don't get told much about anything, but it's something really... I don't know. Big.

When I get home, I'm buying you a huge house and a massive diamond. So get your engagement finger sized now, before all the jewellery stores fall down.

I love you,

James

* * *

Dear the most handsome and _taken_ soldier in the entire US Army,

Yes, I am Italian. When you get home and I get to make you dinner, you'll realise how painfully obvious that is. I hope you like pasta.

I am a little horrified that more people than you have read that letter and seen those pictures. But as long as they get to you I don't really care. I highly doubt I'm sending you coded messages through the straps of my suspenders, but this country's safety is more important, I suppose. If I'm the only girl that your Officers see in your letters, then that's all that matters to me sweetheart.

If you don't get told things, do not fear, I'll tell you everything that's going on here. Bing Crosby has released another morale boosting classic that I'm sure you'll hear lots of when you get home. (It's so boring. When I get requests of it in work I simply sigh and shot a whisky. That's why you love me, right?) The Andrews Sisters are still crooning away, too, but as you can imagine I'm a far superior mezzo soprano. There's a new reel in the talkies called _Shadow Of A Doubt_ and it's amazing. Me and the gals from work went to see it to cheer us up. (It didn't work.) There's a girl in it, I can't remember her name, but she's so beautiful. I might cut my hair like her's. The Yankees won last week, but I don't know a lot about sport so I can't tell you a lot about that. I can say that people were very, very happy. Then there was a riot and everyone's scared again. People are so horrible to other people. We all breathe air and drink water, I don't know how people can think that they're more entitled to this Earth than others.

I'm terrible at the news, I know. But I love you and surely that's enough to make you want to come back to me?

You will see Steve soon enough, I'm sure. From what you've told me he's got a good head on his shoulders, and he doesn't sound naive enough to just follow mindless orders. Have faith in him, my star. You two raised each other, you won't ever stay apart for long, I promise. And when you're both out being big, brave soldiers together and winning the war, you can look out for each other the way you always have. Have faith in your bestestest friend.

Your wish to buy me things is infinitely pleasing to hear. But remember my star, I don't need a big house or a big diamond. The only thing I want from you is you. All of you, whole and happy, unconditionally. I would give everything and anything up just to have you home safe.

I hope you're safe and I hope you're not miserable. Only _I'm _allowed to hurt you by kicking you in the shin, no one else is. It's ridiculous how much I love you. I miss you every single day. Don't you think it's crazy how we haven't actually heard each other say "I love you" but we still know it's true?

Forever yours,

Tori

(I've written Property of Sgt. Barnes on every picture.)


	4. Chapter 4

To my Paper Doll,

Happy six month anniversary. Ha. Bet you thought I wouldn't remember. I'd love to see your face right now, because I bet you thought I'd forget.

I heard what happened to your brother Tor, and I'm so sorry. I met Nick a few days before, he was a good man. I can't imagine what you're feeling, but know that I wish I was there with you just now. He was proud that you were his little sister.

I hope I'll be home soon. The past six months have dragged in, and I've wrote down everything I want to say to you in person. It's a long list Vitoria so I hope you're ready for it. I miss you like crazy. I miss hugs and kissing and the stars. I don't see the stars much just now. You always called me "my star" and I know it's corny but that's what makes me think of you. That's what makes me cry sometimes.

I know my letters are getting shorter, but the list of things we're not allowed to say is getting longer.

I'm safe for now.

I'll love you forever,

James

* * *

Dear the star of my life,

That letter was agonizingly short, but I don't blame you. You must be busy.

I am thoroughly impressed you remembered, although I have a sneaking suspicion that the fact your battalion deployed that day may have made it slightly easier to remember... You'll have a lot of making up to do when you get back.

More importantly than our silly anniversary is it's YOUR BIRTHDAY this week. I'm not sure what you big scary soldiers do on birthdays over there, but I hope it's fun. I hope it's fun and doesn't involve Italian girls, if I'm to be more exact. If you were here you would've got a really, really _special_ birthday present but it'll just need to wait until you get home, I guess.

I cannot wait until I get to sit down and hear you speak for hours and hours and hours because I've really missed your voice, my star. I promise you right now that until the day I die I will never ask you to be quiet or stop talking, because above all it's the one thing I've missed most about you. I mean apart from your...

I'm not allowed to write that. I tried to write it before and my letter returned to sender. Too naughty I guess. But you can use your imagination I'm sure.

Nick was one of the best big brothers in the world. I can't believe he's gone, I don't think I quite believe that it's true yet. I'm so sad for Anthony, I don't think he knows how to live without his twin. It must be horrifying for him out there alone. I got the letter a few days ago, along with Nick's tags and a flag. I have too many sets of tags now, James. I feel like my world is getting smaller every day and it isn't fair. I know you probably don't want to hear this but I'm terrified now, more than ever. I need you and Anthony to be safe, so badly. I am glad that you got to meet him, in his last letter he'd told me that you guys had bumped into each other and that he really liked you. I feel like it was a blessing? Like he might have known what was...

Never mind.

They told me I wouldn't get his body back, and that they send their _deepest condolences. _They took you and my brothers from me and have the nerve to send me condolences. I've never been more afraid of losing you than I am now. Please tell me you'll be home soon.

I love you more than anything,

Tor


	5. Chapter 5

To the light of my life,

(These titles are getting weirder the longer you've been away but I can't seem to stop.)

Can you believe we've been writing for 12 months now? It's been 12 months exactly since I kicked you and you tackled me and we kissed on the pier. You remembered our half-year, well it's our 1 year anniversary today, the day that I'm writing this.

And it's been two months since I've had a letter from you...

I know you're busy, but don't think you can just ignore me because you've got other things to do.

(That was a joke.)

In all seriousness, my star, I'm worried. Hopefully I'll get five letters tomorrow and I'll feel horrifically stupid, or maybe you'll read this and realise that you've started writing my address wrong again. I just hope you're okay.

I looked up your friend Steve, by the way. I actually danced with him, would you believe? Well, I danced _around him_ in New York. He's a_ little bit_ bigger than you described, but he's definitely as dorky. He's safe, though. The "super secret mission" seems to be doing well though, he's a national hero. He's even got films in the talkies. Some of them are pretty good, but they give me nightmares... I don't want to think that what goes on in them could possibly be happening to you. He's pretty handsome too, by the way, you forgot to mention that. He's probably the dreamiest bachelor in the states right now. So you'd do well to get home soon Sarge.

In your last letter you told me you'd moved camps, is it any nicer where you are now? Can you see the stars now? Or the sunrise? Is it the same sunrise like the day that we met? I watch the sunrise all the time... every night after I finish work I walk down to the pier. The workers there must think I'm nuts. And I am. The longer you're gone I seem to get crazier. You've got every single picture of me that's ever been taken... but maybe that's why you've gone quiet...

After Nick, Anthony got shot up pretty bad. He's alive, and he's getting better now, but I was so afraid because he stopped writing just like you have. You know, you told me the night that we met that all you wanted was a girl to write you letters. So I'm writing you letters. I just hope you're getting them. Even if you're ignoring them, I hope you're getting them.

I still wear your chain every single day. I still sing _Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree_. I still love you more than anything, even if that does make me crazy.

Please let me know if you're safe. I don't want any more dog tags.

Your doll,

Tori


	6. Chapter 6

Dear Miss Vitoria Valastro,

As per the request of Sgt. James Buchanan Barnes of the 107th, I am writing to you as his next-of-kin.

I regret to report that Sgt Barnes went behind enemy lines on the 20th and reconnaissance has proved unsuccessful. It is with my deepest sympathies that I have to declare Sgt Barnes killed in action at this time.

All further communication will be made via an Officer local to you.

Yours regrettably,

Colonel Chester Phillips


	7. Chapter 7

RETURN TO SENDER

Dear James,

RETURN TO SENDER

Please tell me it isn't true. That it's a mistake. There's someone else with the same name as you, right?

RETURN TO SENDER

James is a common name. It's a mix up isn't it?

RETURN TO SENDER

My world's falling apart at the seams without you in it. Please, just for me, tell me this isn't true. I don't know what I'll do if it is. I'll keep wearing your chain until my last day on Earth. I love you with my entire heart and even if you don't get this letter I hope you know somehow that I'm writing it. You told me you don't believe in Heaven, and I didn't either until I needed it more than ever to be true. I need a miracle, James. I need you to be my miracle. You came into my life when I needed you the most and I don't know what I'll do knowing you won't come home. I never told you how much I needed you in my life and I'll regret that forever. Hopefully you already knew.

RETURN TO SENDER

Please come home.

RETURN TO SENDER

Yours forever and ever wherever you are,

Tori

* * *

Dear Sender,

The unit you are trying to contact has returned your letter and requested you do not send any more as they are no longer at this post.

Your Sincerely,

Postmaster 903, Camp Sierra, Italy


	8. Chapter 8

_My beautiful readers:_

_Every review or message I get about this story is so incredible, and I'm so thankful to every single one of you. _

_But I'm also really sorry, because this is not where this story ends._

* * *

**To my beautiful Tori,**

**I know you'll want to punch me in the face when you read this, and I can't say I'm sorry enough times. I have no idea what you must've went through when you got that letter, but I hope you never did anything stupid.**

**You won't believe what happened to me, doll.**

**I'll keep this short. I'm coming home. You better be waiting for me.**

**Yours forever and a day,**

**James**

* * *

Bucky stepped off the plane and took a deep breath in, throwing his arms out to greet New York again.

"You look better already," Steve grinned, slapping him on the back. "Got a few girls waiting?"

"Just one, Steve. I told you," Bucky grabbed Steve's shoulders excitedly and shook him. "Just one. The most perfect, most dedicated, most beautiful-"

"The best singer, the best dancer," The other guys sang out behind him, laughing manically.

"Yeah, yeah. We've heard the stories, is she real?"

"She's real, all right. She's perfect. A real Fifth Avenue dame,"

"And what's a Fifth Avenue dame going out with a jerk like you?" Steve asked, raising an eyebrow. "Did you trick her?"

"No, she knows me inside out and still loves me anyway. You guys," He turned to face the group and kept walking backwards away from them. "You guys are all just jealous that you don't have the most perfect girl in the world waiting for you. Now if you'll losers excuse me, I need to go see the love of my life," He saluted the guys and turned to Steve. "You gonna be okay?"

"I think I'll be fine, Buck. I think I can manage," Steve smirked at him knowingly. "You gonna be okay?"

"I'll be fine. I mean, after she beats me up I'll probably be a little rough but I imagine she'll make up for it," Bucky grinned wickedly and Steve grimaced. "Hey, with your build now buddy you're gonna need to get used to talk like that," Bucky winked at him.

"I don't think I do. And I don't think you should be talking about the _love of your life_ like that," Steve shoved him gently.

"You haven't seen _all_ her pictures, Steve," Bucky shrugged, before running his hand through his hair nervously. "In all honesty, she's perfect. And I do love her,"

"Like, really love her?" Steve sounded sceptical.

"She's not just another dame, Steve. She wrote me all the time, and I never got a single letter from any other girl. The first night I met her I asked her to go watch the sunrise with me and she did and I... I fell in love. She's honest and she's talented... She's exactly what I needed at that point in my life,"

"Buck I've never heard you talk about anyone like that before," Steve looked genuinely surprised and Bucky blushed.

"She's my everything," He put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels. "I don't know what I'd do without her,"

"Well, you better go get her before someone else does," Steve smiled at him and patted him on the back again. Bucky nodded and turned around to start walking.

"I'll give you a call later," He called over his shoulder, and set of for Tori's building.

* * *

"Sir, excuse me sir, can you point me in the direction of Bakersfield Terrace?" Bucky asked the old man, sitting in front of a ruin. "I thought it was around here, but I must've got mixed around," Bucky motioned to the fallen down disaster of a building and the old man looked up at him with sad eyes.

"Son, I'm afraid this is Bakersfield Terrace,"

"No, I'm looking for _275a_ Bakersfield Terrace. This can't be right," Bucky shook his head, suddenly realising Tori hadn't replied to his coming home letter. It had never occurred to him that she might not have gotten it.

"Sorry son. 275a would've been..." The man looked around the remains and pointed at a collection of wreaths on the ground. "Right there. I'm sorry son, you looking for someone?" Bucky ran to the flowers and dropped down onto his knee, looking for any sign that he was wrong.

The second he saw it, his heart fell through his chest.

A picture.

A picture of two women, and Tori was one of them. He picked it up off the ground and stared at it. He had a copy of the picture too, but at that moment he couldn't remember who Tori had said the other girl was. In the picture the two girls were standing on the beach, Tori was laughing with her mouth wide open and her head thrown back while the other girl dropped ice cream down herself with a look of shock. It was one of the most beautiful pictures of Tori he'd ever seen, but looking at it now tore him apart. There were melted out candles everywhere, small bouquets of flowers and wreaths littering the ground all around him. There were letters too, but Bucky knew it'd kill him if he read them. There were a couple more pictures on the ground of people he didn't recognize, so he assumed those were her neighbours. The building was a wreck, with bent steel and bricks lay strewn across the ground. What used to be a beautiful, big, brown building had been reduced to a graveyard.

A graveyard that had interned the love of his life.

He hugged the picture to his chest and choked out a sob. She'd always thought he was the one in danger, and now he was the one who'd lost her. He knelt on the ground and cried, not caring who saw because she was gone. She was really, really gone.

"I should've been here, Tor. I'm so sorry," He said out-loud, hoping wherever she was, she'd hear him.

He pictured scenarios in his head, where she should've been at work the time of the bombing, but she was too hurt over thinking he was dead so she didn't go in... or where she was sitting at home waiting for his flag to arrive...

"I love, love, love, love you and I always will," He told the picture. "I'm sorry I wasn't here, I'll always be sorry that I wasn't here for you when I should have been. I should have been here, but we... we wasted some time in Italy and I think maybe if we hadn't... I..." The tears blurred his vision and a lump raised in his throat. He thought he was going to be sick. "I asked you to wait, and I shouldn't have. I will always be sorry for that," He was speaking to his memories of her, where she was laughing at something stupid he said or pulling funny faces when he tried to kiss her. The 9 hours of physical memories, and the 13 months of visual ones.

He was supposed to be the casualty of war. Not her. Not some girl who sang for a living, who lived for her family and friends and tried to make him laugh in every single letter she sent. She was supposed to survive. To move on and marry some boring guy and have beautiful babies and grandbabies that she could tell stories to. Stories about the man she met one night before he left for the war, and never came back.

He went through 900 different scenes of guilt and grief as he sat there, crying his heart out the same way he had on deployment day.

Between this and the front lines, the front lines had hurt him less.


	9. Chapter 9

Eventually he put the picture back down and tried to pull himself up from the ground. It was painful to breathe, and the world seemed so much greyer than it had less than 10 minutes ago. He started to dry the tears from his eyes as he heard people coming, realising he had to pull himself together.

"Sargent James Barnes!" He heard someone yell, just as he was about to turn around he felt a fist land on his nose. The brute force knocked him backwards onto his butt, and he wrapped around hands around his face. "You ASSHOLE," The voice shrieked again. He peeked through one of his hands to see who was attacking him in broad daylight, when he was obviously mourning. "How DARE YOU LET ME THINK YOU WERE DEAD!" The voice was getting louder. The voice, he soon realised, also belonged to Tori. He was hallucinating. He had to be. He kept his hands over his face for a while, willing the noise to stop. "Are YOU IGNORING ME?! ARE YOU SERIOUS?!" He couldn't have been imagining that, and relief hit him like a big brick building. He tore his hands away from his face to take her all in. She was dressed in a black tailored dress, with black lace gloves over her hands and a small black beret tilted over one side of her hair. "Don't look so SURPRISED ASSHOLE, I CANNOT _BELIEVE _YOU LET ME THINK YOU WERE DEAD FOR THIS LONG. Do you know what I had to go through James? Do you know what my life has been like-"

"VITORIA," He scrambled to his feet as quickly as he could and grabbed her tightly, lifting her up. He pulled her hard against him, trying to get as close to her as he possibly could. He felt himself start to cry again on her shoulder. She had remained rigid against him, trying to be as stubborn as possible. Until, of course, she felt her shoulder get wet against his face.

"Whoa, James," She made him loosen his arms and let her feet drop back to the ground. She backed away out of his grip slightly, keeping her hands on his chest. "What's going on?"

"I thought..." He gulped, and pointed to the wreath. "I thought..." He shook his head and leaned against her again, tucking his head into the hollow of her neck. She took his weight more easily than she thought and wrapped her arms around him.

"Oh my God, James," She muttered quietly, rubbing his neck softly. "I know how that feels, actually," She felt tears run down her own face as she held him tightly.

She'd been in so much pain for months, and it seemed like everyone she got close to was dropping off the planet. James had tipped her over the edge in a way she wasn't proud of. She drank a lot, she sang less and she more or less sat at the pier every day. Watching the sunrise and crying silently to herself. He had brought out the best in her for so long, that the minute she thought he wasn't part of the world with her, she stopped caring. Then she walked around the corner to pay her respects and saw a ghost. A ghost of a memory that shook her back into normal existence and made her world bright again. She hugged him as tight as she possibly could, trying to make up for all the hugs she thought she'd missed.

"Come on, my star. You're okay. We're okay. See?" She smiled through her tears at him and laughed. "We're both okay. Except your nose, my bad, I'm sorry," She wiped at his face and he laughed too, releasing her. He put his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels cockily.

"You pack a mean swing, doll," He told her, smiling happily down at her. "You're here,"

"So are you,"

"Do you come here often?"

"Not as much anymore, actually. I don't like what they did with the place,"

"I know what you mean, New York's been a bit of a drag since I got back,"

"Oh well if New York's so boring, why don't you head back _behind enemy lines _since you like being there so much?" She smacked him in the arm and he grinned at her.

"And leave you with Captain America? Definitely not," He grabbed a hold of her waist again, lifting her up and spinning her in a circle. He was smiling like a crazy person. "I love you so much," He told her, leaning his nose against hers.

"I love you more," She closed her eyes and let out a deep sigh, as if it was the first time that she'd remembered to breathe. "You have no idea how good it feels to say that after..."

"I know. I know, I'm sorry. I'm so so sorry," He kissed her lightly. "So very, very sorry. I can't imagine," He kissed her again. "I can't imagine what that was like. You're so brave and you waited for me, and I love you and-" She took a hold of his jacket and pulled him down, kissing him with much more force. She laced her hand around his neck again, pressing her body against his. He kept his hands on her waist and sank into the kiss. All he'd thought about for the past year was kissing her again, and now that he was finally doing it he figured it was worth the wait. He pulled back suddenly and frowned down at her.

"I promise you every single day I'm going to make it up to you. I never want you to feel how I felt just there,"

"Deal," She dragged her thumbs down the palms of his hands, smiling up at him.

"Question," He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her, locking her arms at her sides.

"Shoot,"

"Why is your picture there?" He asked her. She frowned and her eyes darkened, looking away from him.

"I had a room-mate,"

* * *

_Did you guys really think I'd have left it off there?_

_Please. We're still at war here..._


	10. Chapter 10

"Are you sure you want me to meet these guys?" Tori asked shyly. He was walking her to the bar where he was going to meet Steve and the rest of the gang, and he decided he was going to introduce them all there.

"Of course. They think you're a figment of my imagination," He replied, grinning down at her. She was staring directly ahead, biting your bottom lip in a way he'd never really seen her do before. "Are you nervous Tor?" He teased her, pinching her side. She swatted at his hand and put on a big, fake smile.

"Of course not, don't be ridiculous,"

"They're just guys, Tor. What are you nervous for?" He asked, stopping and pulling her to stand still.

"Guys I can handle. These people aren't _guys_, my star. They're your brothers in arms or whatever. I'm nervous to meet the people who've apparently heard so much about me in case-"

"In case what?" He took her hands and pulled her closer to him. "This is what's going to happen Vitoria. I'm going to walk in with you on my arm and they're going to freak out. They're all going to flirt with you, except Steve, he doesn't know what flirting is. They're all going to buy you lots of drinks and tell you lots of stories that will be vastly exaggerated. Then we're going to go home, because you're my girl and I love you," He placed a light kiss against her lips and she smiled, shaking her head at him.

"You're such a nerd," She told him, kissing him back gently before taking his hand and starting to walk again.

"Oh yeah? I'll have you know a lot of Italian girls thought I was really charming," He grinned cockily and she laughed at him.

"As an Italian girl, I can tell you that's not what _testa di cazzo _means,"

* * *

In a bar 5 minutes away, Steve and the rest of guys were finding a table they could all fit into.

"Why is Bucky so obsessed with this girl?" Jim asked Steve as the gang sat down. Steve shrugged.

"I don't know. I've never seen him talk like that about a dame before," Steve paused. "No, I've never seen him talk about _one dame _like that before,"

"What if she's ugly?" Dum Dum asked. He sat down 6 pints of beer and each guy reached forward to grab one from him.

"Then we're nice to her anyway, but I've seen her pictures and she's not," Steve told him, sternly.

"What if she's not nice to us?"

"What do you want me to say? We shoot her?" Steve shook his head. "Bucky's a smart guy and-"

"He's not that smart, believe me," A voice interrupted. They all turned to see Bucky and the mystery girl grinning at them. "And I'm sorry if I'm too ugly and horrible," She added. Steve stood up and ran a hand through his hair nervously.

"Vitoria, it's nice to see you again. Last time we met you didn't tell me-"

"That she was rationed? You mean she didn't mention it?" Bucky asked, looking at Tori with mock curiosity.

"It's Captain America, James. What was I supposed to say?" She asked, jokingly. "Hi Steve, I'm glad you're not doing the stage shows anymore, you're not a great dancer,"

"Not as good at you, that's for sure," Steve shook her hand, grinning back at her.

"Vitoria Valastro," Dum Dum said knowingly. "The wonder girl is Vitoria Valastro,"

"I'm not that wonderful, believe it or not," She shrugged.

"Drink?" Bucky asked, and she nodded. "Sit. Don't sit next to him," He pointed at Dum Dum and she laughed while Gabriel pulled up two chairs. She thanked him happily and sat down next to Steve. After Steve introduced everyone, and every guy kissed her hand in the most polite way possible, she felt a little more comfortable around them.

"So, what's a charming woman like yourself dating an animal like Barnes?" Montgomery asked her, leaning forward on the table. She shrugged.

"I mean, I'm not the one who's intentions you should question, sir,"

"You were Nick Valastro's sister weren't you?" Jim asked her. She frowned suddenly and looked away, while Steve gave him a chastising look. She started to play with her hair nervously before nodding.

"Yeah. Nick and Anthony are my older brothers," She paused. "Were. Are." She shrugged again.

"I knew them. Good men. How's Anthony?" He tried to sound as sympathetic as possible. She was silent for a while before looking back at him.

"Broken. But so's everybody nowadays," Her pretty blue eyes suddenly looked war weary, and they each realised that you didn't have to be _at _the war to go through one.

"So Bucky said you're a singer? You any good?" Steve asked her, knocking his shoulder against hers. She winced at the impact and rubbed her shoulder.

"Better than you, at any rate. Do you realise how big you are?" She asked, laughing to cover the pain.

"I reckon you could beat him up, Tor," Bucky announced, sitting a drink down in front of her. "Don't hurt my girl, Steve, she'll hurt you back,"

"Yeah, I was wondering why your eyes are all red," Steve told him. "Get into a fight?" He raised an eyebrow at Tori and smirked at her.

"I thought he was dead," Tori justified, holding her hands up.

"I thought you were dead too, I didn't punch you in the nose,"

"I'd like to have seen you try, Barnes," She responded, smirking at him.

"You're also from Brooklyn?" Montgomery asked her, after she nodded he sighed. "You're sure you don't need an English gent by your side?"

"I'd love one, but I've yet to find one," Tori smiled wide at him, before raising her glass to cheers them. "Welcome home, boys. Salute!"

* * *

"I think she should sing," Dum Dum announced. "She's the best singer in New York, I want her to sing,"

"I'm not even the best singer at this _table," _She shook her head, feeling slightly drunk which was horrifically unladylike. "No way,"

"Come on, for us. We're war weary, we were fighting for the country," Jim added.

"Yeah, pal, I was fighting too. Believe me. You guys are insane, you've been in captivity for too long,"

"I think she should sing," Steve said, raising his glass.

"Me too," Bucky smiled at her and put an arm around her shoulders. He placed a light kiss on her temple. "For me. You should sing for me. Sing our song,"

"Yeah look, lover boy wants you to sing too. Come on, up up up," Dum Dum turned to the band. "GUYS, Vitoria Valastro is gonna sing for us!"

The bar went crazy, everyone starting calling for her and screaming with delight as her face turned bright red. She wasn't famous anywhere except New York, just because she was the only person who kept singing through the war. One by one girls and performers would drop out in case of air raids, but Tori never did. She thought that as long as people were willing to risk their lives to see her, she could do the same to make them happy. It was hard to make people happy nowadays, so she did all she could. She hadn't been singing very much lately because she'd had a hard few months, but she expected that was going to change.

"I'll be right here," Bucky murmured to her. She gave him a quick kiss and got up, walking towards the band with a confidence she didn't feel on the inside. She never felt nervous to sing, but suddenly now that James was here she could barely stand straight. She smiled at the band.

"Don't Sit Under The Apple Tree?" She asked one of the members and they nodded in glee.

"Of course Miss Valastro," He replied. She turned to the audience and waved. They started screaming again. She took the mic in her hand and waved her hand at them.

"Shhhh. You'll let them know we're in here," She told the audience, pointing to the roof. "Now... I'm going to sing a song that I think a lot of you know, by The Andrews Sisters. I would've been an Andrews Sister myself but... I'm too Tally looking and not nearly as innocent," The audience roared with laughter as the boys shouted out at her. "I will say that this song is dedicated to someone. I'd dedicate it to a lot of someone's if I could but I think the someone in question would get a little jealous, so..." She shrugged and let out a long sigh. "Before I get started, there are 7 very, very brave men sitting with me tonight. And girls, 5 of them are single," All the girls in the bar screamed and she pointed to the table the boys were sitting at. "They're fresh off the boat ladies, get them while you can. I'll sing the damn song now because I think I've wasted enough time," She pulled the mic back a little on the stage.

"We LOVE you Vitoria!" Someone shouted just as it went quiet.

"That doesn't sound like my boyfriend," She said sarcastically, pretending to squint at the audience through the bright lights in front of her.

"No, her boyfriends over here!" She heard James call out.

She motioned to the band behind her as she laughed, and started to sing. It was the first time the song had sounded happy since James had left. As it picked up pace she felt herself go into the small routine that usually accompanied it when she usually sang it. The band played it a little raunchier than the Andrews Sisters sang it, but she was grateful for that because their version wasn't really her style. She fed off the band well, and they seemed genuinely happy to have her on stage which is always a bonus. By the end of the performance she was slightly out of breath as a result of the bands energy, she'd never felt like that before. The audience all stood up, clapping and cheering. She put the mic back down and pulled the double bass player into a hug.

"Thank you guys for letting me come up here," She told the band, before turning back to the audience.

"Encore!" Someone shouted.

"One more song!"

"Hey, no chance, guys. This is my night off," She joked. "Look how tired I am, I sure hope my table has a lot of drinks there," The audience laughed, but she saw the small rush to the bar. "Seriously guys, thank you for letting me come up here and enjoy your night," She smiled at the audience and they clapped again, so she gave a small bow. Before practically running back to her table. James was standing ready for her, arms out wide. She jumped onto him and he grabbed her with ease, spinning her around.

"You were amazing Tor," He told her, holding her tight. "Really, really amazing,"

"Lover boy's right, Tori. You're incredible as always," Dum Dum raised his glass at her. She tossed her hair over her shoulder to look at them as James sat her back on her feet. Steve pulled her into a quick hug too, and as she let him go she swore that she saw James glare, but chose not to even make a joke about it.

"So I see my drinks line made an impression," She said, motioning to the full table.

"I've got 4 dates this weekend, thanks for the advertisement," Jim raised his glass to her and she laughed.

"Not a problem," She turned to James as they sat down. "And you received plenty I'm sure?" She nudged his shoulder. He shrugged and shook his head.

"None. It's almost like they knew I had a girl,"

"Yeah, he sat with his head like this," Gabriel put his chin to his chest and covered his face, before looking back up and laughing.

"Good boy," Tori grinned at him, leaning into him. James put an arm around her and squeezed her waist.

"Okay boys, listen up," Steve leaned into the table then looked to Tori. "I don't want to sound rude-"

"Super secret stuff?" She asked, Steve nodded back at her, smiling regretfully at her.

"She can stay, it's fine," James defended, but she shook her head.

"Nah, I'll go stand at the bar for a while. I don't need to know what you guys got up to," She held her hands over her ears for a second and smiled at the group.

"I'll come get you when we're done?" Steve suggested.

"No, I'll go," James corrected, before squeezing her hand. "Two minutes,"

"Take your time," She told the table, before walking away to the other section of the bar. She bumped into a girl in a beautiful red dress that looked as if it'd been made especially for her. Her hair was perfect in a way Tori's would never be, and she had that milk fed prettiness Tori would never get. All in all, Tori felt kind of frumpish next to her.

"Excuse me?" She asked Tori, in a polite English accent. "I was wondering if you could help me find someone,"

"Sure, who you looking for?" Tori's voice felt stupid next to this girls and she grimaced at the sound of it.

"Um, a soldier, he'll be in uniform probably,"

"I've got a bunch, you'll need to narrow it down, Miss,"

"You probably recognise him, Captain America?"

"Steve? Sure, he's here. He's in the bar through there. I got kicked away from the table because they're talking about secret stuff I'm not allowed to know. Are you his girlfriend?" Tori sat on a stool and motioned for the girl to sit next to her.

"Uh, no. No. We... work together," The girl extended a hand to her. "I'm Peggy Carter,"

"You're a soldier?" Tori asked, eyes opened wide as she shook her hand. "That is so amazing,"

"Not quite, but we fight for the same team," She smiled gratefully. "If I'm honest, I'd rather be back out there than in here," She looked around and Tori grinned. "The men out there don't frighten me as much if I'm honest,"

"I'm Tori Valastro. Bars like this are my front line, unfortunately," She shrugged, slightly embarrassed that she wasn't as amazing as the people keeping company with her.

"Why are you with the boys then? Did they kidnap you?" Peggy asked, smiling.

"Not quite. I'm dating... well not dating, we've not really dated, but I'm with James Barnes,"

"Bucky?" Peggy asked, surprised. "Wow,"

"Yeah," Tori shifted uncomfortably, wondering what the sweet hell she meant by _wow_. "So, how long are you home for?"

"No idea. I'm not really _home_ and I'm not really _out. _I'm kind of stuck in the middle, I just get sent when I'm needed,"

"You must be amazing at your job for them to need you all the time,"

"I manage," She replied modestly, smiling politely.

"Better than those losers?" Tori grinned, signalling for the bartender to bring her and her companion drinks.

"Definitely," Peggy grinned back. "You're good at... all this," She motioned around her again and Tori shrugged.

"I manage," She paused. "I'm from Brooklyn, stuff like this is easy,"

"Brooklyn. All the extraordinary people come from Brooklyn I see,"

"Are you talking about Steve?" Tori felt her eyes light up. "Omigod you are, aren't you?" Peggy flushed red and shook her hair out nervously.

"No, that'd be inappropriate and-" She wasn't meeting Tori's eye, and Tori could feel her excitement rise in her stomach. Steve deserved someone as amazing as Peggy obviously was.

"Screw appropriate, you're in love with Steve," Tori squealed excitedly, handing Peggy a drink. "Salute," She cheers'd her and took a long drink, before tipping Peggy's glass towards her mouth too.

"Not _in love_, but..."_  
_

"Steve's so _sweet. _That's so lovely, he must adore you too,"

"You're really excited about this news... how long have you known Steve? You sound really close,"

"Well I properly met him today, technically. I danced with him before... when he was a mascot. Until today I thought the man I loved was dead, then I found out that Steve risked his life to bring him back to me. Yeah, I'm fond of Steve," She smiled wide and the brown haired girl sitting next to her, before she noticed Steve and Bucky walking around the corner. "Here they come,"

"Are you coming?" Peggy asked, sliding off the seat in the most ladylike way possible. Tori nearly sighed with happiness at the sight, Peggy was so graceful it made her ashamed of herself.

"Oh, Miss Valastro, could you sign this picture?" A voice asked from next to her. Tori smiled at the stranger, then looked back to Peggy.

"I'll be over in a minute," She responded, turning back to the fan. "Hey, of course I can," The young girl handed her a picture of Tori when she was only 17 years old. It was the last picture her Mom had ever took of her and it made her heart feel sadder. "I've not seen this picture in a long, long time," Tori told the girl. "What's your name?"

"Mara, Mara O'Tate,"

"You're Irish?"

"My Dad is," She smiled, showing two big dimples that Tori just adored. She took a pen from the girl and signed it. "He's your biggest fan, by the way. He'd kill me if I didn't get him an autograph too,"

"Sure, napkins okay?" Tori asked, before she turned to take a napkin from the stack at the bar. She glanced up to see Bucky, Steve and Peggy standing. And from what she could see, James was trying his damned hardest to stare into Peggy's soul. Tori took a sharp intake of breath and told herself to not get jealous. She turned back to Mara and signed the napkin quickly. The girl squealed with delight as she took them.

"Thank you so much, Miss Valastro!"

"Just Tori, but you're so, so welcome," Tori gave the girl a quick hug and jumped off the bar stool. She walked around the busy bar and knew that James couldn't even see her. He was talking to Peggy, giving her a look that Tori easily recognized, before Peggy turned and walked away. As she got closer to him she could overhear the conversation he was having with Steve.

"I'm invisible. I'm... I'm turning into you this is a nightmare," James said. Steve clapped him on the back. Tori quickly grabbed two drinks off of the bar and walked towards them.

"Ah, don't take it so hard, I'm sure she's got a friend," Steve grinned as they both sat down at the bar top.

"I just spoke to her, actually," Tori announced, setting the drinks down in front of the two men. "She does have a lot of friends. Lucky you, Buck," She smiled humourlessly at James before walking back to the now empty table. The rest of the boys were standing by the piano on the stage, singing. She waved at them as she picked up her bag, Dum Dum came walking over to her at the same time James did.

"You leaving this early?" He asked her. "Come on, one more song for the road,"

"I can't, I really need to get going," She turned and bumped right into James, who looked as upset as she felt. "I think I've outstayed my welcome," She added, staring James down.

"Babe, please. Just listen, it's not like-"

"It's not like what?" She walked around him and headed straight for the door. James scrambled behind her to keep up with her pace.

"Please, you need to hear me out. I didn't think you'd see that!"

"You didn't think I'd see?" She laughed incredulously, staring straight ahead and not slowing down. "I should've known. I should have known the _first night_ when you had _two girls _at your table. I guess I'm stupider than I thought. Although, I did have the pleasure of meeting Miss Carter and she is pretty incredible. She's gorgeous too," She shoved the door open as hard as she could.

"I don't care. I didn't really look at her," James shouted from behind her. She stopped dead in her tracks and turned to glare at him. She'd _saw _him, she wasn't stupid. She threw her right fist forward with her entire force behind it and felt it slam into his jaw.

"How _dare_ you," She told him, tears starting to fall down her face. Just as she let the door shut.

* * *

_Just in case you guys were wondering, I'm getting song-spiration from my beautiful Grandmother Victoria. I'm told by my Grandfather she was a real "Fifth Avenue Dame" in her day. Go figure that._

_If you want to hear any of them you can listen to them here: user/113288216/playlist/7hURvS6yfqLUeDBTjp3mYd_


	11. Chapter 11

She ran the next two blocks with tears streaking down her face, until she realised she didn't know her way around this neighbourhood now everything was bombed and different. She sat on a set of steps and put her head in her hands, telling herself to stop being over-dramatic. It would've probably been fine if he hadn't tried to lie about it and she hadn't hit him, but they'd both acted badly and it probably wasn't going to get fixed now.

"You're a fast runner," She looked up to see Steve frowning down at her. She was probably sweaty and horrifying, and he looked like he hadn't even broke a dried her eyes and looked back down at her hands. "I'm serious. I've never seen a broad run like that in my life,"

"Did you chase me?" She asked, rubbing the bridge of her nose. He sat down next to her.

"I thought you might want some company," He told her, shrugging.

"No thanks, you can leave," She responded, deadpan.

"Look, I know what-"

"What? What do you know? That I'm an idiot? That I should never have trusted a guy with a reputation like his? That I never should have thought that I could know a guy for less than a day and think that he loves me?"

"I was going to say I knew what it looked like, but..." He widened his eyes and looked at her. "Bucky's a good guy and-"

"You don't get to say that to me, Captain Rogers," She shook her head at him.

"Okay," He held his hands up defensively and shifted so he was looking at her. "You're really beautiful, and Bucky loves you,"

"Evidently I'm not as beautiful as Miss Carter," She stared straight ahead. "Go figure,"

"You're mean tempered, but I guess he gets over that," Steve said, clasping his hands in front of him. Her head snapped around to glare at him so quickly she nearly got whiplash. As her narrowed eyes found his, she saw him laugh. "I'm kidding, you're allowed to be annoyed. He never should've done what he done. I'm annoyed at him too,"

"Why? You were all for him finding a _friend_ in there," Tori fixed her hair as best as she could without a mirror, knowing that the run would've made it crazy. It also gave her an excuse to keep her arms close to her without giving away that she was horrifically cold.

"Oh, so _that's_ why you're annoyed at me. Got it," Steve nodded and slid his jacket off his shoulders. "I like Agent Carter. I really, really like her. And for the first time in forever she was looking at _me_. Not Bucky. A girl was actually looking at me," Steve went to drape the jacket over Tori's shoulders and she shook her head.

"I'm fine, really. And I can't imagine there were any girls _not _looking at you,"

"I can feel you shivering, you'll get TB out here," He chastised, slipping it over her shoulders and pulling it tight in front of her. "So when Bucky got annoyed about it, I told him what he always told me. _Maybe she's got a friend_. Hell, he even said that about you," He nudged her shoulder with his and she winced again. "Sorry, sorry. God, sorry," He rubbed her shoulder through the jacket, grimacing at her. She waved his hand away lightly, smiling softly at him.

"It's fine, I'm fine," She paused. "Well, that makes a little more sense. You're forgiven,"

"I can explain what Bucky was doing too, but you're not going to like it," He leaned back and put his arm behind her, giving her something to rest against.

"Oh, pray tell,"

"He was trying to show me that she liked me back, by getting rejected," He shrugged and Tori snorted.

"I'm sure,"

"I'm serious, Tor. He's been, uh, trying to teach me how to flirt,"

"He's not very good at it, believe me. He asked if I was a working girl the first night I met him," Tori smiled at the thought before setting her face to angry again.

"I never used to be... like this," Steve motioned at himself. "I was the littlest guy in New York. Seriously. And Bucky was my best friend. I was always the little guy, the plus one, the tag along on all Bucky's dates. It gave him a good excuse to date two girls at the one time, but that's all I was. An excuse. Now I've met a girl I really like and I can barely talk to her, but Bucky can. So he did,"

"Even if that's the case," Tori leaned against him slightly, pulling at the jacket around her shoulders. "Why did he lie?"

"What did he lie about?"

"_Oh I didn't really look at her,"_

"Well, he didn't," Steve shrugged. "Honest Tor, he loves you. And I've never seen him love anyone,"

"He loves you," Tori smiled at Steve and Steve pulled her hair lightly.

"Not nearly as much as he loves you. You're the first thing he told me about when I found him in Italy,"

"Oh yeah, what did he say?"

"He told me he was getting married," Steve stood up and held his hands out to her. She took them and he hauled her to her feet with ease.

"Ha. He'll be waiting a _very _long time now," Tori grinned.

"So you're going to forgive him?" Steve asked, staring down at her. "You don't have to, I'm just saying. The jerk has his reasons,"

"I'm not sure what side you're on..." Tori raised an eyebrow at him. "Do you want me to forgive him or..."

"I'm not getting involved," Steve looked up, above her head.

"Seriously? You chase me through the streets like a crazy person and you're _not getting involved?_"

"You're a smart broad, you'll figure this out on your own. Now let's get you home, which way?" Steve held out his arm and she took it gratefully.

"I uh... I don't know," She sighed. "That's why I sat there, I was lost,"

"You're _lost_?"

"Well, yeah. Everything looks different now it's in pieces," Tori argued while Steve laughed at her. "It's not funny! I'm really lost,"

"Okay, where do you stay?" He held up a hand to stop himself laughing.

"55 Crona Walk,"

"Okay, I know Crona Walk. You're safe,"

"I'm with Captain A-freaking-merica. I better be safe,"

* * *

"Wait, so you were _inside the building_ when it was bombed? Bucky told me you were at work,"

"Well, yeah. That's what I told him," Tori admitted quietly. "You should've seen his face, Steve. If I'd said I was in there when it came down he'd never leave me by myself ever again,"

"Would you want to be by yourself?" Steve asked her. "It's a scary world, you need someone by your side,"

"Something tells me that you're going to take him from me again soon, anyway. I'll need to get used to being alone," Tori sighed while Steve went rigid.

"I... I wouldn't ask him to leave yo-"

"You wouldn't need to," Tori shook her head. "I don't want to make you feel bad. Sorry, I shouldn't have said anything. Oh! I know where we are now," She pointed to the building on the right. "That's where I stay!" She told him gleefully, while Steve grinned down at her. They got to the stairs and Tori shrugged off his jacket.

"How about you keep it till you're inside and warmed up?" Steve suggested, pulling it back over her shoulders. Just as she was about to say goodnight, a loud siren filled the air and she flinched. "Air raid?" He looked up at the sky and Tori went into autopilot.

"We need to get inside," Tori grabbed Steve's arm and started hauling him into her building. After the year that she'd had she'd became so afraid of the air raid siren, every time she heard it fight or flight kicked in and she'd haul ass to the closest safe place. No where was safe, realistically, but she'd never admit that out loud. They sprinted up the stairs to her first floor apartment and fell through her door at an alarming place. She pulled her blackout blinds closed and shut off all her lamps, lighting little candles all around instead.

"You're good at this," Steve told her quietly. She shrugged, rubbing her face softly.

"You've got your wars out there and we've got ours here,"

"I didn't realise how bad it got,"

"It'll get worse. It always gets worse," She mumbled.

"Maybe. But it'll get better again," Steve paused. "How long should I wait before I leave?"

"Are you kidding? You're here for the night soldier," Tori told him, smiling. "I'm not letting you go out in that,"

"I think I could-"

"No," She told him, sternly. "If anything happened, James would never forgive me and I'd never forgive myself,"

"I think James would-"

"Has James not told you anything that's happened to me? Sit down. You're going nowhere," She snapped at him, glaring.

"Huh," Steve shrugged and sat down on her couch. "Okay,"

"You take orders really well for a Captain," Tori took his jacket off and hung it up on the coat stand.

"This is a good picture," Steve told her, and she turned to see he'd picked up the only picture she still had of herself. "I hadn't seen this one yet,"

"What do you mean _this one_?" She walked to him and folded her arms. He blushed.

"I've not seen _all _of them, there's a few Bucky doesn't let me see but I've seen a lot of them and..." He trailed off and sighed. "Don't hit me,"

"I'm not gonna hit you, you'd break my hand," She slumped down on the couch next to him, yawning.

"I don't know, you knocked out Buck pretty easily,"

"I've had practice," She lay her head back and closed her eyes. "When I wake back up, will it all have been an awful dream?"

"Probably not," Steve told her honestly. She sighed dramatically and rolled her head to the side so she could look at him.

"Thanks Captain Cynicism,"

"Am I just supposed to sleep here?"

"Am I just supposed to let you walk home in the midst of a freaking air raid?"

"Fair,"

"Go to sleep, Rogers,"

"Your boyfriend might kill me,"

"Not if I kill him first,"


	12. Chapter 12

Tory woke up to the loudest banging she'd heard on her door since her apartment got bombed. She scrambled to get up in her sleepy state, but forgot she was on the couch and collided with her coffee table. Before she could stop herself, she toppled over the top of the calf-height mahogany, falling into a hilarious heap on the floor. She saw Steve jump to his feet and try to help her up, but she burst into laughter as soon as she realised what had happened.

"I'm good, I'm all good," She got up herself and swept the hair out of her face and straightened her dress, still giggling. "I do that a lot. I'm fine. What a way to wake up,"

"You're so clumsy," He commented, still holding his hands out in case she might shatter at any second.

"Coffee?" She offered, motioning to the kitchen.

"I'd love some," He stretched upwards, trying to get a creak out of his neck, just as the door went again.

"Go get my door and you've got a deal," She told him, walking into the kitchen. He nodded and walked to her door, laughing again at how clumsy she was.

"You've been awake less than a minute and you've banged against the coffee table," Steve called to her as he yanked the door open.

"And what the Hell does that mean?" James replied curtly as he locked eyes on Steve.

"Bucky, hey. Morning," Steve smiled at him as big as he could, but James just swept by him into the apartment.

"What does banged against the coffee table mean, Steve?" He looked around for Tori, anger rising in his stomach.

"It means she fell," Steve held out his hands in defense and followed him as he walked into the kitchen. Tori stopped and smiled at the pair, still looking really sleepy.

"James, hi. Coffee?"

"Are you kidding?" He asked her, looking as angry as she'd ever seen him.

"No, I'm honestly making coffee," She told him, holding the tin up so he could see it. He smacked it out of her hand and she jumped back as it collided with the wall next to her. They stared at each other for a while as Steve shifted uncomfortably, having no idea what to do in the situation.

"Well, I'm going to let you two talk. I'll see you later," He waved at the pair awkwardly before about turning and marching out the door. James watched him leave, and turned back to Tori to see her scared face. He immediately felt bad and reached out to grab her arm, but she recoiled back, slamming her hip into the kitchen counter.

"Tori, jesus," He kept his hands outstretched towards her. "I'm sorry, I know I'm such a… I'm sorry," The fear melted from her face as she looked up at him with sad eyes.

"What did you honestly think happened?" She asked.

"I… I don't know. What did happen?"

"Steve walked me home because I was a mess. The air raid siren went off and I couldn't let him walk home, so he slept on my couch," She told him simply, looking away from him. He let out a sigh and ran a hand through his hair.

"You know, this is the second time I've jumped to conclusions and got upset over thinking I'd lost you… but at least this time you didn't punch me," He responded. She looked up at him to see him grin at her and breathed out a small laugh.

"Yeah, well…" She let out a shaky breath and smiled back at him. "I guess we both over-react a lot,"

"So are you saying you forgive me?" James asked, inching towards her. "Because I bet I could prove how very, very sorry I am," He smirked at her and she pretended to think for a second.

"Hm, not sure yet," She didn't react as he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight.

"Come on, let's sit down and talk," He led her back into the sitting room and sat on the couch. She sat practically on top of him, curling around him as tight as she could. "Tired?" He grinned at her as she rested her head on his shoulder, yawning quietly.

"Mhmm,"

"You mean you and Steve didn't get a lot of sleep last night?"

"No, I kept getting nightmares about my boyfriend being killed at war or cheating on me," She responded. She knew it was a low blow, but he had to let the Steve thing go.

"Tor, you know I'd never," He lifted her head and looked into her sleepy blue eyes. "I love you. Only you. You know that, right?"

"Mhmm," She nodded slowly, closing her eyes and placing a light kiss on his lips before putting her head back on his shoulder.

"You're really tired, huh?"

"Mhmm,"

"Okay, but when we wake up we're going on a real life, honest-to-god date, because I still feel awful,"

"Mhmm," She snuggled into him closer, laying her legs over his, hoping that the hug would shut him up.

* * *

She woke up more comfortable than she had in a long, long time. She was cuddled into James and there was a duvet wrapped around them, keeping them warm and safe. She let out a small, happy sigh and stretched out her legs slightly, before wondering how on Earth she could stretch out her legs and sat up with a jolt. She had somehow got into her bed, but she was almost 100% percent sure she'd fallen asleep on the couch.

"I moved us," James told her, as if he'd read her mind, pulling her back down gently. "We weren't comfy,"

"And by we you mean…"

"Me. Me, I wasn't comfy," He grinned at her and traced small circles on her back as his arms wrapped around her again. "Did you know that you snore?"

"I do not, that's a vicious lie," She told him, pretending to hit him in the chest.

"Doll, I wouldn't lie about that. It was cute though,"

"I don't snore," She shook her head, mostly to get her hair out of her face and he leaned up on his elbow.

"Sure, because out of the two of us, who watched you sleep?"

"You watched me sleep? Jeez,"

"Not like that," He pinched her gently and she squirmed, before stopping dead.

"What am I wearing?"

"Pajamas," He took her hand and kissed it gently, before placing it on his chest.

"I didn't fall asleep in pajamas,"

"No, but you couldn't sleep in that dress thing,"

"Well, I did last night,"

"Steve isn't as considerate as I am. You're lucky you've got me,"

"You stripped me,"

"Lovingly. I stripped you _lovingly_,"

"Whatever, lover boy," She closer her eyes again for a second and took a deep breath in, just savouring how safe she felt. "I think this is the first time I've woke up happy in a long time,"

"Hey, ditto," James placed a small kiss on her head and shifted so they were chest to chest, pulling her body flat against his. "All I want to do is keep you safe, and when that siren went off last night and I knew you didn't want to see me... I felt useless,"

"I shouldn't have ran away, I'm sorry,"

"I shouldn't have been an ass, I'm sorry,"

"We're both pretty terrible at being in a relationship, huh?" She said quietly, gripping onto his t-shirt and resting one of her knees on top of his legs.

"So terrible," James laughed, running his hands up and down her back gently.

"Which is probably because we've been apart for a year," She placed small kisses along his jawline, before eventually reaching his mouth and stopping, keeping her lips millimetres from his.

"Do you know how hard it is to receive pictures like that and not be able to touch you?" He groaned, taking a hold of her knee and pulling her legs further around him. She nodded, brushing her lips against his gently.

"I've got an idea, Sarge," She murmured, placing her hands gently on his shoulders and dragging down. He moaned into her mouth as she shifted, placing herself fully on top of him. "Wanna see more than a picture?" She asked, smirking down at him, her hands on his chest, her legs either side of his hips. He stared up at her and nodded, unable to speak. Tori noted that if was the one way she'd effectively silenced him she was more than willing to use it to her advantage.

* * *

_Rated M for... uh... suggestive language. _


	13. Chapter 13

She pulled a fresh dress on two hours later and turned around to see James staring at her, again. The dress was white with a sweetheart neckline, pinching her waist and flaring outwards, with sunshine yellow trim around it. It was the first coloured item of clothing she'd worn in a while.

"Can you zip this up?"

"I can try. Not really my thing," He walked over to her and she turned, facing the mirror. He zipped the dress up carefully, making sure not to pinch her skin. "I mean, taking them off I can handle just fine,"

"Evidently," She tilted her head and smiled at him through the mirror. Once the dress was on he looped his arms around her waist and leaned his head on her shoulder.

"I love you," He told her, kissing her neck lightly.

"I love you more. Now let's go,"

"Where are we going again?" He asked, pretending to look confused at her in the mirror.

"Well," She turned to face him again and picked up her white gloves. "We're going to see Steve so you can sorry for scaring him, then we're going to the zoo, then the talkies. Then we're going to dinner, then we're going to the pier, then we're coming back here,"

"Can't we spread this out over a while? That's a lot to do in half a day,"

"I don't know how long you're here for," She told him honestly and he frowned.

"Yeah, we… we need to talk about-"

"Later. We can talk about it later. But for just now," She paused and held out her freshly gloved hands to him. "I want to do all the things people in love do in New York," She wanted to be a normal couple for as long as she could.

"I think we just covered some of them," He took her hands gently and looked her up and down, taking her all in. "Can you wear something a little less beautiful? I don't want to have to fight Steve for you,"

"Oh you're hysterical. Want me to go grab another coffee tin?" She pouted at him and he pressed his nose against hers.

"I'm sorry about the coffee tin," He mumbled, lips brushing against hers.

"We're all sorry about the coffee tin," She said, before kissing him quickly.

* * *

After visiting Steve and making James apologize profusely, then getting James changes into normal clothes, Tori managed to convince him to take her to the zoo. They walked around the different boxes and enclosures, trying to show off to the other as much as they could about their knowledge of the animals. As it turned out, James' survival training taught him a lot more about animals than her childhood fascination with zoology bestowed on her. While at first she pouted that he knew more than her, she started to love hearing him explain things. The way he said certain words enamoured her, and she suddenly became more than happy to stare lovingly at him as he rhymed off facts about anything and everything. As they finally approached an enclosure that was filled with raccoons, they found they were standing behind a guided tour.

"Since when are raccoons zoo-worthy animals?" Tori asked, narrowing her eyes at them.

"What's your problem with raccoons?" James asked, laughing at her expression

"Everything. They look sneaky. Who likes raccoons?"

"Now it's widely reported that raccoons mate for life, and only reproduce during certain times of the year much like other animals," The tour guide announced to the group.

"Mate for life huh?" James turned to face her and smirked. "You're my raccoon," He couldn't even keep in his laugh as he said it. She put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes at him.

"I am _not _your raccoon," She drawled out, pretending to be disgusted.

"Aw, doll, don't say that. Raccoons for life," He put his hands on her waist and she couldn't help but smile at him eventually. He kissed her gently and she leaned against him for a while.

"For life, right?" She asked, trying to hide the things she'd been thinking about all day.

"Promise," He kissed the bridge of her nose before sliding an arm around her shoulders and pulling her towards the gates. "Now how about we go see one of Steve's dorky films like a regular couple?"

She nodded, and they walked in what would look like happiness. But he'd said it. _Like a normal couple_. It suddenly became all too clear to Tori that they weren't, and never would be. She'd never have him all to herself, because he'd give his life to Steve whenever it was asked. She prayed silently to anyone who would listen that it wouldn't come to that, but the war was still going on, which meant James was still a soldier. She wanted to drag out her time with him as much as she possibly could, milking every little moment so she could have a million memories of him to hold onto. So for the rest of the day she kissed him and hugged him, tried to memorise the definition of his stomach, the way his arms felt around her waist or her shoulders, the creases at his eyes when he laughed and the way he said "I love you". She tried to remember everything, just in case memories were all she found she had left again.

* * *

The rest of the day when quicker than she wanted it to, and while the enjoyed every minute of it, soon they ended up at the pier again and she knew everything was going to spill over. As they sat on the same bench they sat on the first night they met, Tori's smile disappeared and James got nervous.

"I guess we need to talk, huh?" He asked, trying to sound cheerier than he was. She nodded slowly, dreading what he was going to say, staring out at the moons reflection on the water. "Steve wants to go after HYDRA, it's a secret science thing and-"

"When?" She asked quietly.

"He's hoping to leave Saturday,"

"It's Tuesday," She responded, laughing despite herself. "And you're leaving Saturday. Okay," She nodded and clasped her hands in front of her face, leaning into a prayer position.

"If you don't want me to go, I don't have to,"

"But you want to,"

"I'd stay for you," He pleaded with her, hoping she'd understand somehow.

"But you'd go for Steve. You'd never stay knowing he was out there without you," She lifted her head and tried to blink tears back.

"Tor, I never wanted this to happen,"

"No. I know," She felt a lump rise in her throat and internally screamed at herself not to cry. "I know. It's okay,"

"It's not okay, is it?"

"I lost you once, my star. I don't really want to lose you again,"

"You're not going to," He took a hold of her arm but she didn't even flinch. "Tori. Vitoria, look at me. You're not going to lose me,"

"I'm not stupid, James. Despite what people think of me, I'm not ignorant… or naive. I know exactly what goes on out there, my entire family are _war heroes_ for God's sake. It's just easier for me to pretend like I have no idea," She was still staring out at the water, knowing that if she looked at him she'd break. "When you go out there again, it's going to be even worse. It always gets worse,"

"Do you want me to stay?" James asked her, kneeling in front of her so she'd actually look at him. "Are you asking me to stay?"

"I'd never do that, but I don't want you to lie to me and promise you'll be okay," There were tears flooding down her cheeks, taking her make-up with them.

"Tor, I'm scared too. But I can't let Steve go out there on his own,"

"You don't need to justify it to me," She held his head in her hands lightly, running her thumbs over his cheeks lightly. "I love you and I'd never ask you to abandon your friends. You're so brave for going out there again and you're my hero, you always will be. But I can't pretend I won't die a little when I watch you leave again," Her voice broke at the end so she let him go, standing up and smoothing down her dress. "We should go home," He stayed on his knees and put one up, grabbing her hand, realising he wasn't going to have a better time to do all that he wanted to do since he got home.

"I don't have a speech prepared, but I think you know me well enough now to know that was never going to be the plan," He kissed her hand lightly as she stared down at him, mouth open, no idea what to expect. "I love you Vitoria, more than any other person I've ever met on this planet. I know leaving will break your heart, because it'll break mine, but all I want is for you to be happy. And I know I'm not perfect and I know I don't deserve you, because you're _so_ perfect, but you're the only reason I kept fighting, you're the only reason I wanted to survive and come home. And I want you, only you, to be the one I come home too. You make me a better man, and I'd love for you to make me a better husband," She felt something warm on her finger, and pulled her gaze from his eyes to her hand, where a beautiful red diamond ring was being slid onto her ring finger. Her breath caught in her throat as she fell into shock, her entire body going numb. "Tori. Vitoria Valastro, will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?"


	14. Chapter 14

She stared back at his face, his beautiful tear-stained face that she dreamed about for the past year, and knew that there was nothing else on this planet that she wanted more, but him. "I've never done this before, but usually this is when the broad gives an answer," He told her, cockily, trying to look more confident than his crying eyes gave away. She choked out a laugh and nodded, bringing herself back into the present and smiling down at him.

"Of course, yes. Yes, yes, yes," She sat on his raised knee and pulled his face towards hers, kissing him as hard as she possibly could. She pulled away and rested her nose on his, knowing that not even the war could take this moment from her. "A million times yes. I love you so much. So, so, so much," With every pause she kissed him again, each time making his smile bigger and bigger. He eventually stood up and lifted her with him, spinning her in a circle and letting her body drag down his slowly until her feet touched the floor again.

"Thank God," He breathed out, squeezing her so hard she knew she'd have bruises. "You had me worried there for a minute,"

"Just keeping you on your toes," She replied, hands around his neck, gazing up at him.

"Keeping me on _my _toes?" He raised his eyebrows. "How about this, doll. Let's get married Friday,"

"_This_ Friday? Did I give you concussion when I punched you yesterday?" She looked incredulous, and James looked delirious.

"If I need to go back into all that, I want to do it knowing I'm married to the most beautiful woman in the world," He kept a tight hold of her and she loosened her grip around his neck, slipping her hands to his shoulders.

"I don't know how to plan a wedding," She admitted and he laughed.

"Then…" He trailed off and thought for a second. "Then we run away. We get married in secret. Just me and you, no one else,"

"Just you and me, huh?"

"Does anyone else matter?" He laughed gleefully and picked her up again. "All I want is you as my wife, that's it,"

"So we run away?" She started to warm to the idea.

"We run away,"

"Get married in secret?"

"The biggest secret we've got,"

"I like your style, Sarge," She smiled at him, feeling surprisingly calm. "Let's do it,"

"So we're getting married?"

"This Friday," She pulled him in for a quick kiss and released him with a happy sigh.

"I told you that you were my raccoon,"

"If you call me a raccoon one more time I won't be,"


	15. Chapter 15

The rest of her week flew in as they planned exactly how they were going to run away. Neither of them had any idea how to get married, but they couldn't ask anyone else either. It killed them that they couldn't tell Steve, because he was the one person guaranteed to be happy about it, but they decided it was for the best if he didn't know till after. They got their marriage licence and made an appointment at city hall, Tori bought a simple white dress and James bought a stunning suit.

But they still felt awful. All the excitement couldn't stop them knowing that they were only rushing because he was leaving again soon. Tori cried in her dressing room as she got ready for work, and James cried as he held her when they were sleeping. Both knew the other did it, but neither of them brought it up.

On Thursday, Steve asked Tori to go to lunch with him, without James, and they both panicked.

"Oh my God, he knows. Of course he knows," Tori stammered, pacing up and down, trying to piece an outfit together.

"How could he know? I mean, he could've had someone follow us? To make sure we're safe?" James paused. "The punk. Who does he think he is having us followed?"

"We don't know that's how he knows, but oh my GOD. I'm terrible under interrogation, he's going to crack me like an egg," She threw her hands up in the air and slumped onto the bed, letting her head fall into her hands. "I'm going to ruin this whole thing," She muttered. Seeing her break made James stop panicking, and he crawled over the bed towards her, pulling her down into a hug.

"We don't know that he knows, he might just be trying to make a move," James smiled at her, rubbing her back gently. She shuffled slightly and let her rest on his chest, while he wrapped himself around her at tightly as he could. "Seriously, he might not know. And if he figures it out, we tell him the truth,"

"Okay," She let out a sigh and tilted her head up. "Now what do I wear?"

"Nothing that will make you any more attractive," He suggested, smiling down at her. She kissed his jaw lightly and got up.

"Not going to happen," She told him, looking out a mint green frilly dress and the gloves and hat that matched.

"Do you always buy dresses that come with matching gloves?"

"I like gloves," She defended, shrugging. "Not the kind that go way up to your elbow though, just little hand ones,"

"You're so weird," He was lying on the bed still, head propped up by a hand.

"Should've thought about that before you proposed," She climbed on the bed and gave him a quick kiss before starting to get ready.

* * *

Less than an hour later she was standing outside, waiting for Steve to swing by. And he did, bang on time, to the very second.

"Captain Punctuality," She called out instead of a greeting, smiling cheerily at him. He smiled at her and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek.

"Don't you look lovely, Buck help you choose this?" He picked up her gloved hand daintily, by her left ring finger. She tried to pull her hand back as quickly and discretely as possible, realising she had a massive secret on that finger.

"Surprisingly, he doesn't like dressing me," She told him, trying to change the subject and tilting her head. "So, where are we going?"

"Well," He offered her his arm and she looped hers around, letting him lead her. "I was thinking lunch at Giani's-"

"No, no, no. Luca Giani is my Uncle and I can't walk in there with you, we'd end up getting married off," She waved a hand

"Okay," He laughed. "Would being married to me be so terrible?"

"I don't think _your _girlfriend or _my_ boyfriend would be too happy about it,"

"I don't have a girlfriend," He stammered out and she raised an eyebrow.

"I met a girl in a red dress who thinks otherwise,"

"How about 21 then?" He suggested, evading her answer. She tilted her head from side to side.

"Sure," She eventually said. "I've not been there in years,"

"Then after, Coney Island?"

"Is this a date?" She asked jokingly, laughing. "Why on Earth are we going to Coney Island?"

"Because I want to go,"

"You could've went with James,"

"Nah, I feel like you deserve to have some fun with a friend,"

"Ohh," She said, nodding and slowing down. "So you feel bad because all my friends are dead. Got it,"

"Hey, think how I feel. My best friend got kidnapped by Nazi's, then some Italian girl he met at a bar," Steve grinned down at her, pulling her a little. "Now come on, I know those legs can move faster than that,"

* * *

Lunch flew in quickly. It turns out Steve was actually pretty funny, and had amazing stories about James that she'd be able to use as blackmail. Tori told Steve about her families army career, and Steve told Tori about his lack of a family. It was the same conversation she'd had with James the night she'd met him, but it felt like she didn't needed to impress Steve. At times she wondered what his motives were, but then he'd say something dorky and funny and she'd realise he was just a really nice guy who thought she needed some fun. Then after the amazing food and relaxed conversation was over, they got the subway and a train to Coney Island.

"Okay, confession. I hate roller coasters," Tori admitted as they walked through the gates.

"Me too," Steve grinned down at her and she bust out laughing. "What? What's so funny?"

"I can't imagine you being afraid of anything," She managed to get out between breaths. "They don't put facts like those in the talkies," He nudged her as gently as he could and she still had to side step about 4 times to take the impact.

"How does Buck put up with you?" He asked jokingly, putting an arm around her shoulders and pulling her in. "You cold?"

"I'm all good. But honestly, I don't know how he puts up with me either. Maybe that's why he keeps running off to war," She shrugged and tried to smile ironically. Steve frowned and took a deep breath in.

"Yeah, about that. I-"

"I _knew _that's what this is about! You feel guilty," She stepped out of his arm and looked up at him.

"Kind of," He admitted guiltily.

"Don't. It's not your fault. Bad guys are bad guys and soldiers are soldiers. I knew from the first moment I saw him that he was a soldier and a fighter and I don't get to take that away from him now that I don't like it. And honestly, I _really, really_ don't like it. But I like the uniform, he looks really good in the uniform. But apart from that, I don't wanna talk about it, because it'll just make me cry," She punched him in the arm lightly and pointed to the highest roller coaster in the park. "I do, however, wanna ride that big roller coaster with Captain America,"

"Deal," He held out a hand and she shook it. "I like you Tori. I'm glad Bucky met you,"

"Me too,"

* * *

They rode the tallest and the fastest roller coasters, got stupid pictures drawn of them and won those stupid carny games. Well, Steve won the stupid carny game, and now Tori had a massive pink elephant teddy to prove it. Conversation had been light and easy, and the day was going pretty well. Tori felt more comfortable once she didn't think that he was going to get in between her and James' little secret. Until he asked the question.

"Okay, so what's your secret?" Steve asked as he passed her some of his cotton candy. She was stunned into silence and stared into nothingness for a while, knowing that James told her to tell him the truth if he asked about them, but also knowing it didn't feel right to tell him when James wasn't here.

"Excuse me?"

"The big _why you're glad you met Buck_ secret. There is a story, right?" Steve shrugged, like it was the most simple thing in the world.

"Uh, okay. Are you a detective as well as a Captain?" She asked, hoping to distract him. "I really wanna ride the-"

"Oh wait," He stopped and grabbed her arm. "Bucky doesn't know either, does he?"

"Why do you think there's a story?"

"Because you keep saying you're lucky you met Bucky and you're glad you met him the night you did. I wanna know how your life could've been so bad before,"

"Steve, it's not a great story, okay? It's not heartbreaking or inspiring. It's just sad,"

"So there's a story," He sat on a bench and patted the seat next to him. "Tell me," She let out a deep sigh and ripped some of the cotton candy from the little stick. She sat down next to him and closed her eyes momentarily, before opening them again and turning to him.

"Both my parents are dead. They um... my Dad died at war, my Mom died here. Then my brothers got drafted and I was so afraid for so long. I was low... really low for a long, long time. And I drank, and I sang, and I drank, and I sang. And I ignored everyone because I was afraid that if I made a new friend or met someone new I'd lose them as well because I'd lost everyone. I died with my parents, Steve. I never came back from the funerals, I was in a constant state of mourning. And when I couldn't mourn them anymore, I mourned the living because one day they'd die too. Because things get worse, they always get worse," She paused and looked away from him, out into crowd of people. "And then I saw James and he watched me sing. But he looked so alone, and I know how alone feels. So I talked to him. Then talking to him and falling in love with him made me realise that sometimes the risk of getting hurt is worth it to have someone so amazing. Someone so absolutely selfless. Someone so easy to love," She wiped at a stray tear and cleared her throat. "The night I met James I started to live again,"

"And then he left,"

"And then he left," She repeated, nodding. "Then my brother died. Then James died. Then one of my best friends died right beside me, and I thought I was a goner. And then James came back," She smiled and closed her eyes, before her face contorted into a pained expression. "And now he's going away again,"

"Is he still worth it?" Steve asked her, rubbing her arm gently. She breathed out a small laugh and nodded, keeping her eyes closed. She took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. As her eyes opened and the world came into focus, she knew what she was about to say was true. That even if she could go back a year and tell herself the amount of pain she'd go through, she knew.

"He's so worth it,"

* * *

Steve walked her home, carrying an additional three bears to the elephant he'd won her. She knew it was because he still felt guilty, but there was nothing she could tell him that would change that. As they opened the door, James jumped to his feet from the couch.

"Sorry, my star, were you asleep?" Tori asked, feeling happy relief wash over her as she saw him. He shook his head and analysed the sight of the two of them.

"No, just happy you're home. Thought you'd stole my girl, Steve," James leaned over her elephant in her arms and gave her a kiss.

"He could never," She mumbled against his lips, smiling. "He did, however, win me all of these. Turns out super-blue-serum-tea makes you an incredible shot,"

"Where do you want all these?" Steve held up the extra three bears and she pointed to the couch.

"Throw them there. Coffee, tea?" She offered, sneaking an extra kiss from James as she walked by him. He beamed at her, grabbing her hand and pulling her back to him. He french dipped her and kissed the side of her neck. Steve watched the pair awkwardly, feeling the teeniest bit jealous that Bucky was that happy, and guilty that he was going to ruin it for him. He cleared his throat and they snapped to attention. "Coffee?" Tori offered again, her hostess skills still shining through. He shook his head, laughing.

"I wouldn't want to interrupt whatever you two have going on there," He pulled the caricature of them out of his pocket, along with some of the photo booth pictures they got and handed them over. "I'll get going, and I'll see you both later. I had a great day, Tori,"

"Me too, Steven. Thank you," She smiled gratefully, and managed to let go of James for long enough to hug Steve tightly before he left. Once she closed the door after him, she turned to see James analysing the pictures.

"Well, well, well. You two got cosy,"

"Want me to go grab the coffee tin?" Tori smirked at him and took the pictures out his hands, dropping them onto the coffee table. She wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned her head into the hollow of his neck. "I'm so tired," She was on her tip toes, but as he slid his arms around her waist he lifted her off the ground.

"We'll need to go straight to sleep then, won't we?" He pinched the base of her back and she lifted her head off his shoulder, her feet touching the ground again.

"I'm not that tired,"

"I didn't think you were," He put his hand under her chin and lifted her head. "I'll never get tired of teasing you,"

"You're lucky I love you,"

"I thank God every day,"


	16. Chapter 16

Tori woke up bright and early, the sun shining through her window and making her face all warm and tingly. She took a deep breath in and felt James' arm tighten around her stomach, pulling her back into his chest.

"Morning," He mumbled sleepily, kissing the back of her neck. She shifted around until she was facing him and kissed him back, as hard as she could without hurting him. She kept her nose against his and her hands on his face.

"Good morning," She breathed out, smiling happily.

"What's got you in such a good mood?" He asked, pinching the skin at the top of her thigh and pulling her on top of him.

"Well, I'm actually getting married today to my fiancée, so you should probably get going," She sat up straight, legs straddled over his hips.

"Lucky him," James rested his hands on her hips, smirking at her with one half of his mouth, the way that made her melt inside. "How did a jerk like him get a girl like you anyhow?"

"He's not a jerk," She shrugged. "He's caring, and brave, he makes me laugh more than he makes me cry, he's crazily loyal..." She trailed off then grinned mischievously at him. "And he looks really, _really_ good in a uniform. I mean, really," She pretended to fan herself and James laughed at her, grabbing her hands and pulling her down.

"You," He pointed to her, face inches away. "Are crazy,"

"You," She kissed him lightly, tracing her teeth along his bottom lip. "Are marrying me. Who's _really_ the crazy one?" She raised an eyebrow at him and sat back up straight.

"Are you just going to sit there all day?" He sat up and laced his arms around her waist. "Because I think we have a wedding we need to get ready for,"

"Not for hours though," Tori moaned, pouting at him. He shook his head at her, trying to hold in a laugh as best as he could.

"I really think we should wait until we're married Tor," He took his hands away from her and held them up in mock-defence. She let out a small sigh and gave him sad eyes.

"James," She muttered, shuffling forward until her chest was pressed against his. "I think that's a terrible idea," She put her hands on his shoulders and dragged them down his arms.

"Agreed," He announced, grabbing her and pulling her back under the bed sheets.

* * *

They spent the entire morning being lazy and loving each other, feeling like they had all the time in the world. James made them lunch while Tori sat on the counter, pretending to boss him around and pull him in for greedy kisses whenever she felt like it, even though with burning pans it was a fairly dangerous task.

"If you scar me, I will _not _be happy," Tori told him, pulling her legs away from him in fear as a pan coasted by her knee.

"Doll, I would never," He wrapped his free arm around her waist and pulled her forward into a kiss. He pulled away and put the pan down, immediately pulling her in again as his hands became free. "I cannot wait until I'm married to you," He mumbled against her lips, as she placed her hands on either side of his face.

"I love you," She told him.

"Imagine the guys faces tomorrow when I tell 'em," He grinned broadly and picked her up, carrying her through to the sitting area and sitting down on the couch. "I am going to be _married _by tomorrow. And they're going to freak out,"

"Steve will be upset we didn't tell him,"

"I'm surprised he never caught on. Was probably too excited he was on a _date_, even if it wasn't his girl," James laughed while Tori groaned and rolled her eyes.

"It wasn't a _date, _God. You're obsessed with Steve,"

"No, Steve's obsessed with you,"

"Okay, you're both obsessed with me. You two need a life. Outside of Brooklyn and outside of the war,"

"I'm trying to make one, believe me," He gripped her hand tight and stared down at it. "I'm trying so hard," He said quietly. His face wasn't smiling anymore, it was war weary and heartbreaking. There were so many moments like this before, were Tori would just hold him and let him shudder out the memories from Italy and Austria. And more recently it was more about what he going back into. "I'm scared, Tor,"

"I know," She let him squeeze her hand, even though it was agony, knowing he had to get the stress out some way. She'd tried joking when he was like this, but nothing worked. She just stayed there, loving him regardless, and eventually he came back to her.

"Like, what did I do to deserve this? Huh? I'm a good person, I guess. Not perfect, but good. All I want to do is live my life. When I got home I thought I was home for good, I didn't think Steve would drag us all back in again. Damn punk had a twisted sense of honour that I can't fault but I don't need to be happy about it. And I mean, I'm scared but you must be _terrified," _He paused and looked up at her. "You're not saying anything,"

"Dove l'oro parla, ogni lingua tace," She shrugged, smiling lovingly at him. His face softened and he raised an eyebrow at her.

"I still don't speak Italian,"

"When gold speaks, every tongue is silent," She explained, wrapping her arms around him and cuddling him into her chest.

"I'm not gold, I'm tarnished,"

"You're perfect," She rubbed his cheek softly with her thumb. "And I love you, more than anything," He breathed out a laugh and looked up at her.

"I wish I wasn't hurting you too,"

"You're worth it,"

The moment was cut short by a hammering at the door. Tori looked to James, who shrugged. Someone banged the door again, more frantic this time. James stood up slowly and walked to the door, as the banging continued. He opened it while Tori looked on curiously. Two men in uniforms were revealed, looking very stressed and very angry.

"Sargent James Buchanan Barnes?" One of them asked. James nodded, snapping to attention right away. Tori leaned her head on the back of the couch and looked on at the scene.

"Yes, sir,"

"You've been called up. You leave at 1500 hours," The other officer said, handing him a sheet of paper. James took it and tried to read it as fast as possible.

"Tomorrow?" James asked, scanning the words.

"No. Today. Change of plan. You better start packing," They both saluted, turned and walked away, while Tori's world fell around her. Today. He was leaving today. At 3.

"What time is it?" James asked quietly.

"1," She felt her heart shatter.

"We could make it," He turned and walked to her, looking desperate. He knelt down behind the couch and took her hands. "We could try, I could get them to-" Tears filled her eyes and dropped down her cheeks as she felt her heart shatter. She shook her head slowly, trying to stop herself from throwing up. "Tor, Tor it's gonna be okay. I'm just going to explain-"

"Hey, guys," Steve announced from the open doorway, smiling and waving, until he saw their faces. "Oh God, I thought I'd beat them here,"

"They left a second ago," James told him, dropping his head into Tori's arms. Her entire body had went into shock, she didn't even recognise Steve walking in towards her. "I can't go today, Steve. I just can't,"

"They got wind of us... sped things up. So now we need to-"

"No," He told him, standing up. "I cannot leave her today,"

"It's okay," Tori said quietly. "They need you," She was still kneeling on the couch, staring at the ground. Unable to move or feel.

"Not enough. Not enough to make me-"

"We do. We need you Buck, we can't do this without you. Everyone else is ready," Steve told him, trying to whisper so Tori didn't hear.

"Right," James took a deep breath in. "Can you leave?" He asked Steve, putting a hand on his shoulder and pushing him out the door.

"Will you be at the air strip for 3?" Steve asked him, as he shut the door in his face.

"That was rude," Tori chastised quietly, her voice nearly a mumble. He walked back to the couch and sat down next to her, pulling her into him.

"I'm not leaving,"

"They need you, you heard Steve," She couldn't look at him, the thought of being his wife had made this week bearable, and now that was being taken from her too.

"Tori, I-" His voice broke in a way she'd never heard before, causing her to look up. His face wasn't blank and sorrowful like it had been when he talked about Italy. It was pained and dark and every emotion she wished would never cross his face. His first sob shook his body, and it shocked her back into reality as she started crying. Real, ugly crying. She threw her arms around his neck and pulled them together as tight as she could, hoping somehow everything would be a big joke and he wouldn't need to leave.

As he sobbed into her shoulder and she sobbed into his, she knew that one of them had to be strong. And no matter how much pain she was in, she knew he was a lot more afraid than she was because he'd seen it all before. So she pulled her shit together.

"Okay, my star. We're going to be okay," She shuffled back from him and stood up off the couch. "We've done this, this is old news," She put her hands on his shoulders and smiled down at him. "I love you, and we're going to be fine,"

"No, we're n-"

"Yes, we are. And do you wanna know why?" She sat on the coffee table and clasped her hands, smiling at him. "Because we're from Brooklyn. And no Nazi jerk scientist is going to take you from me because I'm scarier than they ever will be. Aren't I?" She held her hands out and shrugged. "We're not going to get married today officially, but we're married now. You're going to go protect your friends, your country and your wife. And when you win the war," She took his hands in hers. "You're going to come home, we'll get officially married in a big, crazy ceremony and the entire city will be invited, and then we'll have babies and grow old together and we'll tell everyone about how we waited for each other and _won._ Okay?" She stared at him, waiting for a response. On the inside she felt sick and horrible, and all she wanted to do was run away. But on the outside she was using everything in her power to portray strength. Eventually he breathed out a laugh and wiped at his tear-stained face with his sleeve.

"You're quite the public speaker, doll. You should run for office," He sniffed and looked up at her. "You're really okay with waiting for me again? Because I wouldn't ask you to-"

"I'd wait till the end of the world. I told you, you're worth it," She had to swallow hard to keep her smile up, but he didn't seem to notice.

"So what do we do now?"

"We get you ready, then we see you off,"

"You've had to see me off twice now,"

"Well yeah. But that means I'm good at it now, aren't I?"


	17. Chapter 17

James was wearing his uniform, and Tori was wearing a pink skirt that was far shorter than anything else she'd wear with a white blouse tucked into it. And of course the matching hand gloves. James had complained the entire way there, and Tori sat quietly and let him, holding his hand and squeezing to let him know she was still here.

"You should be wearing white," James told her, helping her out the taxi and looking her up and down. She shrugged.

"This is comfier I guess. And it's easier to take off," She muttered, before looking over his shoulder. "Hey guys. How are ya?" She called out to the group, who were already standing together.

"Oh, Vitoria Valastro came to see us off. God answered my prayers," Dum Dum shouted, making her laugh.

"Yeah, isn't that real sweet of _my girlfriend _to do?" James shouted back, putting an arm around her shoulders and walking to them.

"Apologise. Now." She whispered to him, before kissing him on the cheek and shoving him towards Steve. "What? So the rest of you aren't happy to see me?" She asked the group, holding her arms out for hugs, while James walked over to Steve. He shoved his hands in his pockets and looked to the ground.

"Sorry for kicking you out. That was rude,"

"That sounded suspiciously like Tori," Steve told him, beaming. "It's alright. You've done worse things," Steve hit him lightly in the arm and James breathed out a laugh, rubbing it gently.

"Tor's right, you pack a mean swing. I'll stop trying to piss you off,"

"How you feeling?" Steve asked, ignoring James' statement. He wasn't looking at James, he was staring at the group.

"Could be a Hell of a lot better. You?" James turned to watch them as well. Seeing Tori twinkle and smile at them all, while they all gushed over her was a sight to see.

"I feel guilty now I know I'm ruining your relationship. How come you didn't tell me you proposed?"

"She told you? I... uh... it was a spur of the moment thing,"

"I felt the ring on her finger, didn't mention it. When? When you get home?"

"Was supposed to be today," James told him, tilting his head and trying to stop himself from crying again. Steve stopped dead and turned to his best friend.

"Supposed to be?" His face looked distraught and James didn't look any better.

"Well, we're here aren't we?" He looked to the sky and wiped his nose with his thumb, breathing in deeply.

"Buck, I'm so sorry," Steve put a hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah. Me too," James shrugged his hand off and walked towards the group. "Can we all get away from my beautiful fiancée please?" He called, grabbing her hand. She let him pull her away from the crowd and into a tight hug.

"Fiancee, huh? You're really terrible at keeping secrets,"

"Yeah, Steve already knew. Felt the ring on your finger apparently. Probably when you two were holding hands, huh?" James teased her.

"Ha. Ah ha ha ha," She replied sarcastically. "You're so funny. I'm sure the Italian girls loved your jokes last time,"

"The only Italian girl I care is right here," He kissed her, taking her entire weight into his arms and lifting her off the ground. "Sei la mia stella," He told her, as he put her down. She burst into laughter, having to push herself away from him. He'd slaughtered the phrase, but she knew he meant well.

"Did you just say _you are my star__?_" She asked between cackles.

"Yes. Yes I did," He sounded proud of himself.

"Aw," She wrapped her arms back around his neck and kissed him hard. "Your pronunciation is awful but we can work on that,"

"Oh, okay then Tally. How's it meant to sound?" He asked, after she repeated it back to him perfectly he pouted.

"And by the way, Tally is a racist slur and I don't appreciate it," She smiled wide at him.

"Hey Tori, can we all get kisses before we leave?" Gabriel called out, waving them back over to the group.

"Form a line," She told them jokingly, wrapping her arms around James and walking towards them. "I'll miss you guys," She told them.

"We'll miss you too," Steve replied quietly, still feeling horrific.

"You can make it up to us by writing all of us," Jim suggested.

"Yeah, and pictures too," Dum Dum added, wagging his eyebrows at her.

"Okay, no one apart from me is getting anything from her," James span her around and stood in front of her, blocking her from the group.

"Boys, fall in!" Someone shouted from the hanger, and Tori felt James' hands tighten around her.

"No, not yet," James told Steve, shaking his head. He looked back to Tori and squeezed her into him. "Not yet," He mumbled into her hair, shaking his head. She hugged him back and saw everyone else walk away a bit.

"You wanna learn Italian?" She asked him, smiling even though her eyes were crying. He nodded, wiping his nose again. "Io e te mai soli,"

"And what does that mean?" He asked, voice breaking.

"You and I are never alone," She gripped his hands tightly. "Before you go, I need you to know something. Before I met you I was dead to the world. I didn't want to fall in love with anyone because I was so scared I would lose them. And then I met you and you told me you were deploying and I realised that you're worth waiting for, you were worth the risk. And I'll always be grateful to you for that. I've had a good life because I'm in love with you, James Barnes. I am crazily, stupidly in love with you and I will be forever. Per sempre insieme, forever together," He was crying as she spoke, his body shivering trying to keep it contained. "And when you get back I promise I'll show you just how much I love you," She laughed, trying to lighten the mood. He chuckled, tears flying everywhere.

"You're such a tease," He told her, putting his thumb under her chin and lifting her head for a kiss.

"Sargent, move in!" The voice shouted again, over an airplane engine they hadn't even heard start.

"I guess you gotta go, my star," She put a hand behind the back of his head and kissed him hard. As they pulled away, breathless and crying, they both laughed.

"I have so much I want to tell you still," He admitted.

"You can write it down for me," She told him, still smiling.

"Forever,"

"And ever,"

"Buck," Steve's hand appeared on James' shoulder. "We gotta go," Steve started to pull him away, but not before he held her face again and kissed her one last time.

"I love you," He pointed to her as he let go and let Steve drag him away. "I love you so much," He sounded deliriously happy, and she knew it was just shock and adrenaline, but it was something.

"I love you more, Sarge," She shouted back over the engine noise.

"You wish you did!" He blew her a big kiss.

"Yeah, yeah. Shut up and go win the war!" She hollered back, tears running down her face, but with the biggest smile.

"For you, ma'am. Anything," He stopped and saluted her, and Steve joined in. Then, once the rest of the guys saw, they all did too. She laughed, and saluted them back. Eventually their pilot managed to corral them onto the plane, and she started to walk back to her taxi. Another car drew up behind her and Peggy climbed out.

"Hey, Agent Carter. Hi," She tried to sound as polite as she could, but Peggy immediately frowned at her.

"You're dying, aren't you?" She asked, walking over to her. Tori felt her body shake as she started to sob, the hiccups and coughs trying to choke her out. Her vision went blurry, she couldn't catch her breath and she collapsed to the ground, unable to stand. She was desperately trying to fill her lungs, but her entire chest was on fire and her head was aching. Peggy ran to help her, realising quickly she was panicking, but having no idea how to help. "Breathe, Tori. Breathe," The taxi driver climbed out too and helped her sit up in the car. He fanned at her face with a newspaper while Peggy held her hand tightly, wishing she could make her pain go away.

"I think... I'm back," Tori panted, blinking a lot to try and re-focus her vision. "I'm back," She nodded, and leaned her head against the cab door.

"Are you going to be okay?" Peggy asked, crouching down in front of her.

"No," Tori shook her head. "I don't think I will be,"


	18. Chapter 18

My beautiful, talented, loving and perfect fiancée,

(Too much?)

Well the bad news is the weather in these countries sucks worse than New York. The good news is Steve keeps telling me that "skin is waterproof". I swear the punk's like 80 years old in the head. I'm serious Tor he's like an old man out here.

I didn't realise how difficult it'd be to leave you again. Or how difficult it would be to send and receive letters. I guess the fact that I'm between countries makes it hard to address envelopes, huh?

Is it stupid that I feel empty? I don't feel guilty like I used to, and at first it feels easier, but then I think of you or home and I become human again. It's like I go on auto-pilot when I need to do something horrible. I know we didn't talk much about what happened when I was POW but do you think it messed with my head a little? Maybe you've made me crazy.

You told me that I gave you a reason to live again. Well, you're my reason to stay human. It's so easy out here to become a machine. Just another weapon in the war. But for you, I'm gonna stay a person. I'm gonna stay that jerk from Brooklyn with a girl way out of his league.

For you.

Always,

James

* * *

Dear the most attractive and least eligible man in the Howling Commandos,

Finally. It took you a year, but you've finally learned how to start a letter properly. You missed out a few adjectives, but maybe you're saving them for the next letter.

Steve is sensible and you should listen to him. I'm telling you that as your future wife, and because if you want a bachelor party then I'd be happier with Steve planning it than Dum Dum.

Without sounding too clever, because we both know we pretend that you're the clever one, you're not just a soldier anymore my star. You're not fresh off the boat and naive to how the war works, of course you feel different. You were locked up and it probably did affect you more than you realise. I know you're afraid and I know I could never imagine what you have to deal with, but you're my hero if that's any consolation. And don't blame me for the fact you're a massive dork, that's all on you.

You're right, you are a jerk and I am way out of your league. So you better get home soon and marry me because there's a line forming outside my apartment.

I'm joking, I love you.

Forever and ever yours,

Tori


	19. Chapter 19

Dear Tori,

I hope it's not weird that I'm writing to you, I don't have anyone else to write to. I've not told Buck, should I? I guess it makes it weirder if I don't tell him. I'll tell him after I send it.

Anyway, how are you? How's New York? Is it still raining? It seems to be raining wherever we go. Buck keeps whining about it like a little girl and it's so annoying. I grew up with the guy and all, and he's like a brother to me, but Ma'am you honestly have no idea what you got yourself into with this one.

We were in Sicily for a while, Buck says that's where you're from? How did you end up in New York? Not to insult him, but he's not always been with information so I thought I'd check. We never got to spend a lot of time there, for obvious reasons.

The guys talk about you all the time, and I don't know if it makes Bucky sadder or happier.

Do you talk to Peggy? I don't see her as often as I thought I would and after the embarrassing compass thing coming out, I don't know if she'd wanna talk to me. What do I do? Do I just write to her and hope she writes back? Or will I wait till I actually see her?

It's complicated huh

Hope you're well,

Steve

* * *

To the lovely Captain Steven Rogers,

Hello! I'm sure James will be fine with the whole letters thing. No pictures though, that's a ground rule.

I'm good. New York's in pieces. Of course it's still raining. He told me about the rain actually, I told him to get over it, too. (Also, little girls don't complain about the rain, that's insulting. Apparently grown-up men complain about the rain.) I know what you mean. I'd have cut ties with him by now but I'm actually pretty fond of him would you believe. He's a jerk, sure, but he's my jerk and I love him. Weird. I know.

How are you doing? Any closer to coming home?

I _am _in fact from Sicily. I'm actually pretty impressed he remembered that, because I think I only mentioned it in passing. Well, I only lived there for a few years when I was a baby but we lived in a beautiful little town called Maratea, in Basilicata. After the first world war my Dad wanted to fight for freedom, and who he thought was right, so we moved to the US. Then the second world war broke out and he was glad that he did, because he couldn't believe our little country would fight for such a monster. I'd love to live in Maratea again, but it seems kind of unlikely now.

I hope you guys only say good things about me.

I talk to Peggy often, actually. We've became really close. The day James left I was heartbroken, and she was a massive help. When she's in New York she stays with me, because I guess we both know what it's like to miss a guy in the war…

(That's a hint.)

(Write her lots of letters.)

(And draw her something.)

(Be romantic.)

(Those are orders, not hints.)

Life's complicated, kid. As soon as you sipped on the magic-blue-super-serum-tea you should've guessed it was going to get weird.

I'm well, I hope you're even better,

Tor


	20. Chapter 20

To my ever loving and faithful wife-to-be,

I eventually had to beat it out of Steve to find out that you two have been writing behind my back. You guys are so lame, he acted like it was this big thing that I'd freak out over and wouldn't let me read the letters. What do you two even talk about? Books or something, I bet.

So it's been what, 5 months now? It's not getting any easier, is it?

It's not getting better or worse here, it's just staying the same kind of awful. We're planning this train thing, but obviously I can't tell you about it. Not only would I get my ass kicked, but you probably don't want to hear about it. The good news is after this one we're coming home. That's right doll face, I'm COMING HOME. I'm not sure how long for, but at least I'll be with you again soon.

When we were in Sicily, I managed to sneak out one night and get down to Basilicata. I got a little jar and filled it with sand and shells and I'm bringing it home. We might not be able to get married in your hometown, but at least we'll have a little bit of it with us. I nearly got court marshalled for it, but it was worth it.

I was thinking about this big wedding we're having when I get back. Is it okay if I have 6 groomsmen? Steve would be the best man, obviously, but the rest of the guys have decided that they want to be a part of it too. They've also all decided they want the bridesmaid dresses to be blue, and the groomsmen ties to be red, and obviously you'll have a white dress. Steve suggested it but now they're all on board for a big patriotic wedding. I keep reminding them you're technically not American, but I don't think they really care. It's weird not being the only one who loves you here, but I still love you the most obviously.

Ti amo, mi manchi,

James

* * *

To the love of my life,

You kids better be playing nice out there. The letters between Steven and I are private and are none of your concern, the same way our letters are private and none of Steve's concern. We talk about lots of things, actually. We have a lot of common interests. Although he does have really incredible taste in books, so you're correct.

5 months, 3 weeks, 4 days and 11 hours precisely at the time of writing this. I get bored during the day now that you're gone. But now you're coming home again and I am crying with happiness. Oh my God.

Oh my good God. That's so incredible. I cannot wait to see you, my star. It's been 5 months too long, and we have so much time to make up for. I guess I can throw out the 5 letters worth of gossip and news for you because I'll be able to tell you in person.

Steve told me you remembered Sicily. That's incredible, James. You have no idea how much that means to me. Is it still beautiful? I cannot believe you remembered that. I'm very, very grateful that you got to see where I was born even if it is because of such a terrible reason. And as for the wedding, as long as I'm getting married to you, I could get married anywhere and not care.

You guys are such nerds, don't you have actual work to do? You get to just sit around and gossip all day? You can have as many groomsmen as you want, as long as Dum Dum doesn't try and ration any of my friends. I'm Italian, yes, but America is my home and if the theme you guys want to go with is the Pledge of Allegiance theme then I'm fine with that.

I really hate ending letters with bad news, but guess who had to move to a new bar because the last one got bombed? I was no where near it, thankfully, it was the middle of the night so I was safely in bed. It wasn't badly hit, they probably could've fixed it back up, but then it got raided. I've found that people, singularly, are good, but people, plurally, are awful. I'm so sick of building that I love getting torn down, which in the grand scheme of things is a stupid thing to complain about and I've got good stuff to complain about. But I don't want to complain to you.

Look at you learning Italian. I'll teach you more interesting phrases when you get home. Promise.

I miss you Sarge, I'll be there at the airfield, waiting for you to land.

Forever and always and then some,

Tori


	21. Chapter 21

Tori stood at the airfield waiting impatiently, ruffling her hair, fixing her dress and fidgeting like she was possessed. She couldn't believe it. She could. Not. Believe. It.

He was coming home. He was coming. Home. To her. She kept randomly laughing to herself and smiling, until she heard the plane roaring above her. She watched it intently as it landed so gracefully. She'd never been in a plane before, but it looked so amazing. She could only imagine how beautiful the world would be from up above, and how anyone looking down at the ground could want to destroy it. The plane landed and she started walking up towards the hanger. As she approached it the engine stopped and came to a dead halt.

When she saw the door drop open, her heart skipped and her stomach felt sick. She was joined by a few other women, who she smiled at giddily, who all looked just as happy and sick and crazy and nervous as she was.

One by one, men climbed out of the plane. More than just the Howling Commandos, she guessed that they'd maybe saved a few more guys on their travels, and how happy their families must be to get them back. Eventually she saw Dum Dum, then Gabe.

Then Jim, James and Jacques.

She shook her head in disbelief, Steve and James were probably arguing over who gets to get out of the plane first. She waved to the guys, who all stopped dead in their tracks. They didn't look happy to be back, and definitely they didn't look happy to see her. She felt her hand stop waving, and suddenly the sick feeling in her stomach didn't feel like happiness anymore. She saw them turn around and followed their gaze up as Steve ducked out of the plane door. She saw Dum Dum shout something up to him, the clanging in her ears didn't let her hear it, and he turned to lock eyes on her. Her bottom lip started quivering, and she shook her head slowly in shock. She started to walk towards him, feeling panic rise up her.

"No. If this is some sick joke, I will not be happy," She called to Steve, who started to walk towards her. As soon as she could make out his face clearly, she could tell by his facial expression. He looked pained and hurt and angry, and seeing him like that caused those feelings to ripple through her. "No. Where's James?" She asked, as Dum Dum rushed to her and grabbed her shoulders.

"Vitoria-"

"No. Stop. Steve, where is he?" She practically screamed, feeling physical pain in her chest.

"I'm so sorry," Dum Dum told her, holding her momentarily in his arms. He let her go and left her facing Steve, while he and the other men walked away to give them space.

"Is he on that plane?" She asked, starting to walk by Steve, who looped an arm around her waist to pull her back. "If this is like last time, do you know for certain? Definitely? Do you..."

"Tori, I'm so sorry," His voice was shaking. "I couldn't... I'm so sorry," He felt her body go limp as she collapsed to her knees, heaving and crying and breaking her heart the exact way she'd did a month before. Steve sat down beside her, tears streaking silently down his face.

"Please, please tell me this is a nightmare," She choked out, putting her head in her hands.

"I'm sorry for your loss, ma'am," A voice above her said, and she looked up to see a flag being thrust towards her.

"I don't need another flag, I need hi-" Her voice fell away and she screamed, feeling her heart rip out of her chest. There were no words to describe the pain she was in. He was coming _home._ He was supposed to be coming home to her. But instead all she'll take home is a flag and another set of dog tags.

"Tori," Steve put a hand on her arm gently and she looked up at him. He'd taken the flag for her and put it on her lap. "I know you'll never forgive me, but-"

"I don't know what I'm going to do without him," She interrupted him, her entire body shaking trying to combat the pain. He looked her in the eyes, and felt her pain. She looked lost and so young. Too young to have to deal with pain like that. He'd known Buck his entire life, and he felt lost. But he _knew _what had happened and he signed up to be scared that this might happen, she never asked for any of that. He helped her to her feet after she fell silent and gave her the flag. She held it tightly against her chest, hugging it as hard as she could as he led her away from the hanger. She looked up to see Peggy climbing out of a car and running to them.

"I tried to find you before..." Peggy looked almost as guilty as Steve, but Tori just shook her head. "I'm so sorry, Tori,"

"Yeah, me too," Tori nodded and walked out of Steve's grip, heading towards a taxi.

"Sorry, Agent Carter, I have to..." Steve trailed off and motioned to Tori. Peggy nodded, understanding.

"Of course. Whatever you have to do," She told him, squeezing his arm for a bit, before pulling her hand away quickly.

Steve rushed after Tori and climbed in the taxi next to her.

"So you didn't get the last letter?" Steve asked her. She shook her head, not sobbing anymore. Tears were still falling from her eyes, but it was like the outside world had stopped existing to her. As if she'd went black and white in a world of colour. "He, uh, he wrote you a-"

"I know what a last letter is. I've had 2 before," She replied quietly, staring straight ahead of her.

"Do you... do you wanna know what happened?" He clasped his hands in front of him nervously, and glanced at her. She shook her head, then she nodded. Then she nodded her head again and a sob choked out of her. She let her head fall onto Steve's shoulder, who pulled her into the tightest hug he could give without crushing her. "We, uh, we had to recon this train that Doctor Z... that's not important to you. Um," Steve gulped and took a deep breath in. "The train... was on a mountain and... the door got blown open-"

"Oh God," Tori sobbed harder, pressing her face into Steve's shoulder.

"I couldn't get him, I couldn't reach him Tor. I'm so, so, so sorry. If I'd just-"

"Steve, stop," She shook her head, wrapping her arms around him. "It's not your fault,"

"But it was me-"

"But nothing," She practically shouted, wiping her face and letting him go. "If he knew you were blaming yourself he'd beat you up," She mentally shook herself, but she couldn't shift the pain constricting her chest. Steve took her small hand in his big one and squeezed it. "Look how selfish I'm being," She wiped at her face, no longer caring how her make up looked, after 2 painstaking hours of making sure it was perfect this morning. "You've lost him too," She looked up at him and frowned. "I'm sorry Steve,"

"He really loved you," He told her quietly, swallowing hard and trying to keep calm. She could see his body physically shaking as he tried to keep everything contained. "You were the best thing in his life,"

"Yeah," She nodded, solemnly, squeezing her eyes shut and willing herself to wake up from the nightmare. She was praying for the numbness to set in, thinking if she just let go the pain would drift away. Instead it just shook through her in aftershocks, each second getting worse. She took a deep breath in, and accepted he was really gone. He'd been taken from her again, but this time Steve saw it. _James is never coming home._ "He was the best thing in mine too,"


	22. Chapter 22

A week later, Steve knocked gently on her door, trying to mentally prepare himself for what was going to happen. A voice shouted him in so he pushed open the door carefully and walked in.

"Hey, Tor," He said, noticing her curled up on the couch. The windows were covered, her mirror had a black sheet over it and the room was so dark he could barely see, even though it was only 3pm.

"Steve," She moaned, sitting up straight and rubbing her face sleepily. She was wearing just a black slip dress, and ordinarily he'd make a fuss and turn away to stop himself staring at her when she was half-naked, but today didn't really feel like the time for making a fuss. "Hi, come in. Tea? Coffee?"

"Wow, even grief can't stop you from being a great hostess. Coffee would be amazing, if you don't mind," He smiled at her as she stood up carefully. She looked thinner than she did last week, and her long legs looked even longer now they were shrinking. "Wanna go for a late lunch?"

"Why do people keep trying to feed me?" She asked, walking into her kitchen. Steve followed and saw an army of different food dishes piled up neatly around her kitchen. "If you're actually hungry, and not just trying to fatten me up, I have lasagne, arrabbiatta, bolognese, penne vodka... lots of pasta basically. This is only a third of it, the rest I sent to the Barracks,"

"That's really thoughtful, Tor. You're so strong," He told her, and she shrugged.

"I was thinking," She gulped and looked away from him. "I was thinking I'm going to try and do a lot of good stuff, for soldiers and their families to keep morale up. You know? Something to keep me busy,"

"That would be amazing. Morale's pretty low just now, that's for sure,"

"I mean, I know one person won't make-"

"You'll make a difference. I know you will. You're amazing. And he'd be so proud of you for it," Steve told her. When he saw her body tense up at the mention of it, he decided to shift the subject. "So with all this food left how come you're so thin?" Steve raised an eyebrow at her and leaned against the door frame. She ignored him and started making him coffee. "I'm serious, Tor. You do need to eat,"

"I'm not starving myself, Steve, okay? Jesus Christ, it's like everyone went from ignoring me to babying me in a week," She slammed down the coffee jar on the counter and pressed her hands against the edge of it, breathing in.

"Tor, I'm sor-"

"Doing anything now, without him, physically hurts. Everything reminds me of him and I can't even look at my stupid freaking coffee jar without wanting to-" She stopped mid sentence and leaned her head on her hands, choking back a sob. Steve walked over to her and pulled her into a hug. Over the past week he'd probably hugged her at least 80 times, but they only really had each other now, and it was all he could do. "I'm sorry," She said, pulling away from him eventually. "I need to get my head together," She shook her head and ran her hands through her hair. "Look at me, I'm half naked for God's sake," She smiled, even though her eyes looked sad and Steve smiled back at her.

"It sucks, I know," Steve let her shoo him out of the kitchen and into the living room where they sat down on her couch. "The first night I met you I slept here," Steve reminded her, grinning.

"Yeah, and the next day James nearly kicked your ass," She added, laughing. "He was so obsessed with me falling for you,"

"Probably because you're the only girl I could ever speak to, let alone ask out for lunch," Steve leaned back, settling into the couch. "When he found out I was writing you letters I thought he was going to kill me,"

"He told me he was fine with it," Tori said, eyebrows furrowed together in confusion. Steve scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Fine with it? The jerk tried to raid my stuff to find them, swearing at me and telling me to _keep my mutant hands off his girl_," Steve told her, smiling at the memory of his oldest friend. "He was loyal, that's for sure," Steve paused and turned to look at her. "He'd hate to see you upset. At Coney Island, you told me he was worth it. Do you still believe that?"

"Of course I do," She replied, without even a pause. "Of course. Loving him was the best thing I've ever done. If I could go back, even knowing what I know now, I would do it all again. The arguments, the fights, the fear, the heartbreak... everything. I'd take it all again, because seeing him happy, and being happy with him was a joy," She leaned her head on the back of the couch and smiled at Steve. "It was an absolute joy. Chi be vive, ben muore,"

"A good life makes an easy death," Steve translated it back to her and she looked suitably impressed. "I hope it was easy,"

"See, my Mom used to say that it didn't mean for the person who was passing. She said, death is always easy for the person who's dying, it's the living who struggle. She told me that the saying meant, if you have a good life with someone and make sure they always know exactly how you feel, then it'll be easier when they go," She explained, then took a deep breath in and let it out slowly. Nothing made the pain go away, but having each other made it a little bit easier. After another 15 minutes of small talk, Steve turned to her seriously.

"I, uh, I came to say goodbye, Tor," Steve admitted. "I'm going back to finish it," Tori felt her chest constrict again.

"Steve, I don-"

"I need to. For Buck. I couldn't live with myself if they got away with it," He told her, shaking his head. She nodded and shuffled over to him, laying her head on his shoulder.

"I understand. I don't like it, but I understand," She felt his head rest on top of hers.

"Imagine if he walked in now, seeing this," Steve motioned to them and Tori laughed.

"I'd have to go get the coffee jar," She felt tears run down her face and wiped them off quickly. Surprised that her body was even registering pain anymore. "I'm so done with crying, I'm surprised there's any water in my eyes left,"

"I really hate to do this, Tor, but I-"

"You need to go, of course" She nodded, and got up. As he stood up she held her hands out and took his gently. "I'll miss you Captain," She told him, as they walked to the door.

"I'll miss you too," He replied, nudging her shoulder. "I'd write to you, but I don't think I'd have time where I'm going," He reached into his pocket and pulled out an envelope. "I found this, it hadn't been sent out properly. You need to read it," Steve leaned forward and kissed her forehead lightly, before handing her the envelope. "I'll see you when I get back. Eat something for God's sake. And stay safe. Don't do anything stupid,"

"Yeah, yeah. I'd tell you the same but you wouldn't listen, huh?" She countered. He beamed at her and shook his head airily.

"God. You two deserved each other," He reached out and squeezed her shoulder gently and she lowered her head. "Be good, Tor,"

She closed the door behind him as he left, keeping the envelope safe in her hands. It was addressed to her, sealed and dated the day he left second time around. She traced her fingers over the top of it, nervous to open it but desperate to know what it said.

She walked to the couch and curled up on it, turning on the lamp next to her for reading light. She let her finger delicately take a hold of the gold chain around her neck and took deep breaths in and out.

Then she opened it.


	23. Chapter 23

Dear Mrs Vitoria Barnes,

It's got a nice ring to it, huh doll?

I probably won't write a lot, because between us we know I wasn't actually the smart one no matter how often you told me I was.

Time with you was the only thing I wanted in the entire world. Time to tell you everything that I've ever thought or said, time to find out what your favourite fruit is and how many freckles you have, time for us to get married and have a beautiful little family and grow old together. But I guess I didn't get that, and I guess I'm angry about it.

If you're wondering why this sounds like a "last rights" letter, that's because it is.

I should clarify, if you're reading this it means that I'm gone, and I'm so sorry that you have to read this. If you're reading this, know that I died loving you and only you in my heart. You were the one thing that kept me sane, that kept me from feeling like a monster in a world full of horror and you have no idea how thankful I am for that. You said I gave you reason to live again, well you were mine too. You're everything I ever wanted in a person and you made me so happy in the little time we had together. I needed you to get me through this, and truthfully I'm glad that it's all over for me now before I become the monster I'm meant to be.

I know you told me you'd wait forever, but honestly my worst nightmare is you being unhappy. I've caused you so much pain already, and I want you to move on. Meet some other jerk who's not as handsome as I am but will keep you safe, have lots of stunning kids and be happy until the day you die. Live a long, long, long life for me, Tor. Please be happy for me.

Oh, and stop saying things will always get worse. Because they don't. Things will only get better for you Vitoria, I promise. You deserve happiness, but if you only look for sadness in your life then that's all you'll get. Make people laugh and smile, and keep sparkling the way you did when I was there.

Another thing, please don't stop singing. You're so beautiful when you sing and you make so many people so happy just doing what you do, and that's so amazing it blows my mind. And if people ask you to sing our song, then do it, even it hurts the first few times.

I'm hoping that you don't get this letter, that I'll just throw it in the trash before I walk into your arms. But if you do, I love you.

I love, love, love, love you Miss Vitoria Valastro. And you made me so happy.

I hope I made you happy too.

James Buchanan Barnes


	24. Per Sempre Insieme

He walked into the Smithsonian looking for answers.

He didn't know the questions, no, but he needed answers.

Rogers called him _Bucky_ and the name hurt, but didn't trigger any particular memories.

When he got to the exhibit, he glanced around the pieces on Captain America and World War 2. Information he knew, but didn't really care about. Eventually he got to the section on the Howling Commandos, and saw a reflection staring back at him. The Soldier grimaced, but when the reflection didn't react with him, he realised it was a picture.

_Bucky Barnes, 1925-1945_

He skimmed the information as quickly as it could, not really taking any of it in, until he saw a picture. A picture of a young man and woman kissing. He stood closer to it, and recognised himself as the young man, and felt pain looking at the young woman. He furrowed his eyebrows and let his fingers trace over the picture, looking for the information about it.

_Picture, above, B. Barnes and V. Valastro._

_Vitoria (Tori) Valastro was Barnes fiancee at the time of his death. This picture, among many others of the young girl, were found with his personal possessions after his death. _

He looked over the other pictures desperately, until he found a bunch of ones with the girl in them.

_Vitoria Valastro was a singer, famous in New York at the time. She performed in bars mainly, and was one of the few performers to keep singing during the war era. Her Father and brother were both killed in action, with her other brother wounded. After Barnes death, and subsequently the suspected death of Captain America, she stayed in touch with Peggy Carter and helped put together a program that reunited soldiers with their families after the war. Eventually, she married a banker and became Vitoria Morelli, giving birth to 3 children. Before her death in 1980, she wrote a letter about her love of Barnes included in the frame to the left._

His eyes immediately darted left and he saw the framed letter with ease. His breathing got heavier, and he didn't know why he felt upset. He couldn't remember the girl, but he somehow felt cheated. Like he'd lost something.

_"I love my children, my husband and my life. That's a given. The life I got was not displeasing at all, although it started off rocky. My husband always knew he was second in line for me, and that's an unfortunate truth that we both had to live with. I tried lying to myself, and to him, but we both knew. He was happy being second, and I was truly happy with him._

_But if, even for a second, I knew James was coming back I would drop everything and run. He was my one great love and I will always be in love with him. He was brave in the most honest way, he was handsome, he was loyal and he was my everything._

_The time we were together wasn't long, and he always said he wanted more, but it was good. Better than good, it was amazing._

_He was right when he told me things don't always get worse._

_He was, is, and always will be my star. And I always will be his doll._

_Per sempre insieme."_

He knew what the phrase meant, of course, he spoke Italian fluently. But he didn't know why it registered with him so deeply.

"Son, we're closing soon, better start finishing up," A voice behind him said softly.

"Of course, thank you," He replied, not tearing his eyes away from the letter. He read it and re-read it probably 11 times, until he knew it word perfect.

"So you ended up here, huh?" A familiar voice called. He turned and his eyes widened as the one person he didn't want to see walked towards him. He immediately went on defence, staggering one foot back, ready for attack. Rogers held up his hands. "Whoa. I'm not here for that," Rogers shook his head and put his hands back down slowly. "Reading about Tori?" He pointed to the pictures. "She was amazing, you loved her,"

"I didn't know her," He asserted, feeling a pain in his head that wouldn't go away.

"No, well, _you _didn't. But the old Buck did. You used to talk about her _all the time_ and I let you because I liked her too," Rogers shrugged. "Not in that way, obviously, she'd never even _look _at me like that. But kind of like a sister. She was beautiful,"

"I can see that," He sneered.

"Too beautiful for you. And she was kind from the inside out, in a way that you never deserved. But she loved you anyway,"

"Was she..." He dragged a thumb across his lips and tried to stop the hurricane of emotion from affecting him. "Was she okay, after... I- no, he. After he died?"

"No," Steve shook his head. "She was devastated. Didn't want to live, didn't want to do anything without him. But she got there, and I wasn't there for her. I left to go fight HYDRA and avenge you, and then I went under and she lost someone else. I'll feel guilty about that forever,"

"She's dead now, you don't need to feel guilty,"

"I know you've been brainwashed but you're not that heartless, Bucky,"

"My name isn't Bucky,"

"No, it's not," Rogers put a hand on his shoulder. "She always called you James," _James_ sounded familiar, but he was too proud to admit that. Rogers pointed to a picture, and the Soldiers eyes followed. The young couple were standing again, James had an arm tightly around her shoulder and she was kissing his cheek. They were laughing, not fake picture laughs but real, big, honest-to-God laughs that made your belly ache. The Soldier didn't know how, but he could hear them laugh, he knew there was a sea in front of them, behind the camera, but he didn't know how.

Suddenly his face felt wet and he sniffed.

"That was your favourite picture of her," Rogers pointed to another one. She was standing by herself in the sea, she was smiling and posing, one hand on her hip and the other holding a gold chain around her neck.

"That's mine," The Soldier said, pointing at it, before checking himself and bringing his hand back in. He wiped at his face and realised his eyes were crying. He pulled his hat down further, hoping the Captain wouldn't see.

"Yeah, she wore it till the day she died, apparently," Rogers took his hand off the Solider's shoulder. "You broke her heart. Twice. And she forgave you. God, she loved you. I would've killed to have someone love me like she loved you. Or the way you loved her,"

"_All I've ever wanted, is a girl like you. A little doll,_" He muttered, not knowing what it meant, but knowing that it meant everything.

"What?" Rogers asked, looking at him curiously.

"What does Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree mean?" There was information flying around his head and he pressed his hands to his forehead to get it under control.

"That was your song," Rogers explained. "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree, it was a song she sang,"

"Do you think she was happy? In the end?"

"Sure," Rogers nodded. "She could've been happier, but we all could've. I think she done the best she could with what she got. She started a program, after we died, that helped to reconnect soldiers with their families. Because so many people moved because of bombings and because soldiers got lost as prisoners of war, it really helped. And even before the war finished, she helped raise money to patch up troops and she rallied to get Veterans better health care. She even started a club for wives and girlfriends to go to while their partners were away, just so people wouldn't be lonely. She made a massive difference to the world and it was because of the pain she felt every day,"

"You said she was heartbroken?" The Soldier asked, looking up at Steve who nodded at him. "Was he- I. Whatever. Do you think I was worth it?" Rogers's face broke into a solemn smile and he nodded slowly, willing himself to stay stoic.

"She always said you were,"

* * *

_To everyone who's ever read this story, I'm infinitely grateful to every single one of you. This is the first thing I've ever published on a website like this and the reception and advice I've had is so incredible._

_I'm thinking about maaaaaaaybe starting a new story with an idea from this one... I'm just overly attached to the Winter Soldier I guess._

_What do you guys think?_

_I love each and every one of you_

_Till the end of the line_

_x_


End file.
